Testing.

The past few days have been horrible. It's so hard for me to stay positive and to do everything that is set before me with a willing heart. It's hard not to complain and sometimes I just want to give up because people start to aggravate me. But one thing that I know for sure is that God has me here for a reason. Right now I think He is testing me. Over and over and over again.. and I keep failing. I get weighed down and now that I think about it, I haven't been praying in these times. I never just stop and give it over to God so He can change my perspective. Do not get me wrong, I absolutely love it here. We all have those days sometimes and I guess mine have just been more frequent. When it is all said and done and all the staff are sitting at the dining room table, or hanging out in our living area and we are laughing and having fellowship.. it is so worth it. I keep reminding myself that I am doing this for the Lord and for this trip to Ghana. He will get me through this and He will grow me up in my faith as well. So just keep me lifted in prayer please. It's tough, but I have been getting so much encouragement from my church family. It keeps me going.

I was able to go home late lastnight and attended church this morning. I did not get to visit much with anyone because right after I had to book it back to the camp. I wish I had more time. I love my church so much and it really hurts that I have not been able to attend. Scott and Amber I miss the most though.. I am so use to their constant encouragement and seeing their smiling faces as often as I can. I rarely see them anymore and was at the verge of tears just looking at them today. They have had such a huge impact in my life. Luckily they text me often and are still guiding me the best they can. I barely got to see my family as well. When I got home they were already in bed. I love my family and miss them. The only good thing about being gone so much is that when I come home my bubba is so sweet to me.. I never get that unless we are apart haha.

Joey asked me to give like a testimony I guess you could say sometime this week to the campers about how God got me here, what I am doing at ETBE, and the Ghana mission trip. I think God is trying to build up my confidence because I have had to get up and speak in front of people quite often. This is a pretty large group though.. I'm definitely nervous. But if I let God speak through me like I did at my devotion there is no doubt that I can do this without being so nervous.

Continue to pray for me. It's tough, but Jesus is holding my hand through it.