July 20:
I am back in Ghana for the third time and I will be staying here for a month. The first week has passed and I find myself struggling... What is my purpose here, why has God sent me here for a third time, and why does He seem distant? It has been hard for me to adjust to no nagging distractions, no framily (code name for my friends), and no comfort (i.e. a flushing toilet, warm water, AC, McDonalds, or electricity). It has been so hard to "be still and know that He is God" because I have become so good at becoming busy every waking moment. Something is always occupying my time, my thoughts, and my energy. However, while I'm here I have the opportunity to let go of those things and just be, but it’s difficult. Because when I let my mind and body rest, I have to deal with my heart. My heart is a problem. I realize my heart is not as close to the One who has bought it with His blood. This month I have to opportunity to deepen my relationship with Jesus and I desperately want to, but the enemy will do everything possible to hinder that. It is time to fight.
July 22:
Everyday we are in Kotokata one person after another comes to the Bethany Box (the Romero's house) to seek medical attention. I have seen more malaria, tuberculosis, and dirty wounds than most Americans have seen in their lifetime. God continues to confirm my calling to be nurse in those moments. This is just the push I needed to finish school strong. I have been so discouraged and burnt out lately and I still have 2 1/2 years of school to finish. So having my calling continually confirmed in moments of doubt is liberating. I'm thankful to have a God that leaves me small reminders. I need those more than I'd like to admit.
Today I have witnessed a break through. A girl named Mary is living with the Romero's so she can recovery from Tuberculosis. Night after night we listen to her cough and vomit from choking on mucous. Most days she feels so bad that she doesn't speak or eat. The whole time we have been here we only have gotten a small smile and a "I am fine" when we ask her how she is feeling. Tonight as I write this, Mary has been laughing, singing, and having conversations with us. She is healing. By the grace of God, her life is saved. You see, Mary and her family refused treatment of this disease that was consuming her lungs because the witch doctor told them that she would die from the needles and injections. It took some time and prayers for the Romero's to convince them to let her get the treatment. This is the reality here. Most people put their hope in false gods or in the hands of men who claim to have much power because they are trying to cling to something greater than them, hoping that this “greater power” will intervene. However, the only one capable of doing that is Jesus. And our role as christians is to bring this Jesus to them.
“How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” Romans 10:14-15.
July 26:
We left for the Northern region yesterday morning for a Linguistics and Bible translation banquet Joey and Joshua had been invited to. We planned on leaving at 9. We had our bags loaded about to leave when a mother of 5 came with all of her children and one small boy on her back who was running 105 fever. We immediately took his clothes off and started wiping him down with cold water. As he screamed and cried, my heart only hurt more. After his temperature dropped a few degrees we gave him the medicine he needed to get rid of the malaria. As the mother held her crying child, I sat down beside her and placed my hand on her shoulder. The tears welled up in her eyes. I'm not sure what she was thinking, but I'll take a guess. She felt helpless. Her husband came to us the night before with excruciating abdominal pain and we had to send him to the hospital. She was alone with her 5 children and one was near death if treatment hadn't come. Although she felt helpless, she knew help had come and that she, her children, and husband would be okay. We prayed over her assuring her that the help she was given came from Jesus. And it did. We were there at that very moment because God ordained it. For that, I am thankful. It is for this reason that I am willing to leave comfort behind and get my hands dirty some day. To be a part of moments like these where I can be a vessel that the hope of Christ flows through. Not only giving hope physically, but in those moments point to Jesus and say, “the help you were given today came from the Lord. He loves you. He cares for you. He can heal the sickness that is much deeper than your physical illness.”
We traveled all day to the North. It was a long ride, but I put in some headphones and was able to read. When you are going through the beautiful land of Ghana while listening to worship music, you can't help but to be in awe at the Creator and all His majesty that shouts praises through His creation. As we made way further North the more Muslims I saw. Early this morning as we were still sleeping in our 5 star Hilton hotel room (totally kidding) I could hear the echoes of the Muslim prayer through a sound system. The reality hit me hard: I live in a lost world that is dying. After the banquet we began another long venture to Wenchi and we will be staying there the next few days so we can minister to the Ligbi. I'm not sure what to expect though. I am nervous and excited at the same time. The Ligbi is an all Muslim people group. A man with the name of Joshua has been working diligently to create a written language (their language is only oral) for them in order to translate the Bible in the Ligbi language. His story is extraordinary. This man has a heart full of love for these people. He continues to go back and love them even after the leaders had him shot. He survived 3 bullets and he is still willing to return to them and do the task God has called Him to do. That is love.
July 27:
Today we visited the Ligbi. Specifically a widow with 3 children. HCM is building her a house because her home has been severely damaged. This is allowing God's love to be sewn into this community in small but drastic amounts and I have witnessed that. This village was different than the ones I have been through before. There was a mosque on the corner where the people of this village worshipped. The children were hesitant. They were not full of life or love like the ones I have grown to know over the past few years. Some smiled and laughed, but majority were the opposite, they kept their distance and made no interaction. Some of the village people greeted us with smiles and handshakes, but there was particularly a man I remember seeing in the distance. As we were crossing the street, my eyes met a man who had an expression on his face that was piercing. He hated us. I became overwhelmed with emotions. Why does this man and so many other Muslims hate Christians? We only come to love and share the best gift anyone could ever receive. Our beliefs collide. One says hate the Christian and the other says love the Muslim. How do we love someone who hates us? We look at the cross. Jesus loved those who hated Him while He was being slain like a lamb, becoming the ultimate sacrifice. This is where God's love for man and hate for sin intersects and we can now be reconciled to God and live in a relationship with Him forever. We become His. Our hearts should be burning with desire for those who hate God to know this Gospel. We have to lay down our life, take up our cross, allow the Holy Spirit to work through us, and have the faith to move our feet... that is how we love them. Is it easy? Absolutely not. We have brothers and sisters all over the world being persecuted daily because of their love for Jesus and their love for His lost sheep, but they keep going back. They keep loving. They know that Christ is worthy and whether they live or die, it will be for His name sake. "To live is Christ, to die is gain." I want to live a life so abandoned that this truth can reign true in my own life.
July 29:
It has been a hectic few days. We have had car trouble since we left the village on the 25th. We made it in one piece to the banquet, but as soon as we pulled into our hotel it all started to go downhill. So basically we have been stuck in a hotel doing nothing but staring at the wall while Vincent tries to get things fixed and find specific parts. I knew this month would be much different than my last trips. I would be living the every day life of a missionary with no scheduled agenda, but instead to do as the Spirit leads. This peek into "every day life" also includes wasteful days when things just don't go right. We have had some fun experiences though. Like two white girls pushing a van down the middle of a street at night to try to get it to start with hundreds of Ghanians laughing at what they saw. We just wanted some Fan Ice (ice cream-ish), but instead we got a work out. We also have had to travel via taxi everywhere. We have met some interesting people in their small cars that were almost impossible to fit in, but we made it work. We have laughed at each other in our delirium, annoyed each other because there was nothing else to do, and I've managed to hit a bunch of chickens with rocks because that's the only logical thing to do when boredom strikes. Tomorrow we are going back to the village with or without the van. So this may be interesting....
July 30:
Have I really been here 2 weeks? I feel like it's been forever. Time slows down when you rest and be still, but nonetheless, the trip will eventually come to an end and I will have to return to a not changed world with a changed heart. It's going to be rough.
We have finally made it back to Kotokata in the van! When we returned Yaw, Kofi, Simone, Etse, and Philip were there to greet us with the biggest smiles and the sweetest hugs. If only I could hold them there forever. As I gave them hugs and kisses, I could only think about how much my heart missed them for just those short days and how much my heart was going to break when I have to leave them for a year. These boys have changed my life and so has this place.
July 31:
Today was pretty laid back. After being on the road all day yesterday, we kind of just rested. However, I want to share with you something Lacey, Daddy, and I have been discussing... An orphanage. Since before Lacey and I left, we have been feeling our hearts being pulled to start an orphanage in this place we both long to be in. For you to understand this, you have to understand that Lacey and I have a divine friendship. It all started when we first met. She laughed and then I laughed, and it was the same distinct laugh. Our laugh is rare and extremely annoying, and when we are put together, things just get out of hand. So then as our friendship started to grow, we realized that everything about who we are is the same. We like the same things, we have the same habits, we have the same style, we have the same problems, we face the same struggles and we are able to see the other person through those struggles because the other had already overcome it. We even think the same thoughts and it gets really freaky sometimes. Sometimes we will text each other and send the same message at the same time. I'm telling you, it's like we are the same person. She is my soul sister. So last year when she came to Ghana for the first time, she lost her heart just like I did my first trip. She lost her heart to Yayira, the little sister to the boys I lost my heart to, Yaw and Kofi. Then a few months after we returned from Ghana we got word that Yaw, Kofi, and Yayira's mother died from an illness. Our hearts broke for this family. The mother is basically all they had because their father was never around much due to his love for alcohol. We had no idea what would happen to them. Separated by thousands of miles, we could do nothing but pray for these little ones. A few months later, the father died from being so drunk that he passed out in a ditch after a hard rain and drowned. These children were now orphans. Again, we could only pray. They were passed around from one family member to another. They eventually ended up staying with an aunt and uncle who could not care for them. We suspect there was some abuse and there was definitely neglect towards Yaw. Because the father wasn't Yaw's biological father, they concluded that Yaw was a wizard and put a curse on the dad causing death. Yaw spent a lot of time sleeping in the woods and even on the Romero's porch. The Romero's took him in and loved him. Yaw and Kofi are very close. So when Yaw left, Kofi hid. He would hide from the family in the forrest and even skip school. The Romero's went to the family and asked if they could take Kofi and Yayira also. They agreed to let Kofi stay, but not Yayira. It is a pride issue. The family does not want the other village people to know that they cannot take care of these children and had to entrust them to a white man. So the boys are being loved and nurtured in a stable home where there is loving discipline and care, and Yayira is still bound to a family who cannot care for her like she needs to be. It hurts, and it really hurts my sister. God has given us the same heart for the same orphaned family. We both know that adoption is not an option for either of us because of the regulations with the government and we are both at a place in our lives where it's just not possible for us to bring them to America and be able to provide for them. But we do know that a piece of paper means nothing and that if they can't come with us, we can come to them. These children represent many other children like them with similar stories. Our hearts beat to love them, care for them, disciple them, and send them out to the same. Before we felt this call, Joey had already been thinking about something like this, but didn't know who would do it or how it would happen. God answered. We have been praying for confirmation, and there are no flashing lights or big billboard signs, but there is this stirring in my heart that says, "step out in faith and trust Me." Join us in praying for this.
August 1:
Today we went to the market to pick up a few things. I've been to the market quite a few times, but I still hurt every time I go. It's all so overwhelming. There are people every where staring at you because you are white. It's crowded and the place reeks. I try to hold my breath especially when I get to the side where there is dried fish everywhere sitting in the heat with swarms of flies flying around it. Then there is the meat section… You go inside a building and they are butchering meat and it's probably the most unsanitary thing I've ever been around. I’ll spare you the details. But this is reality for them. While I'm wishing I was in a Walmart, they are just trying to make some money to feed themselves and their 10 kids. It's not easy to swallow and I don't expect you to understand, but please understand this... be thankful for what you have. Life in America is drastically different from the rest of the world. We have so much that we take for granted every day. Have gratitude towards God. When things go bad or you don't get what you want, don't blame Him. Recognize what you have right now and thank Him for it. We need a perspective change.
August 2:
Today was one of those days where my heart is so full it could burst. It was a rainy day so we stayed inside and read, talked, and planned. We are all sitting in the "living room" and Joey had a dry erase board that he used to draw out a two story house. A house that would be a haven for orphans. The entire time we were discussing this, I just couldn't help but be in awe of my God and how He orchestrates all things together to fit perfectly. Who would have known that 3 years ago I would meet a crazy, mung-toed, old man while working at a summer camp and develop a lasting friendship with him over that summer. I would stay with him in his home in Africa and lose my heart there. I would also meet his son and become good friends with him and I would become friends with his friends and we would all become a family and we would grow in Jesus together and I would love them and they would love me. And I would meet my soul sister in that family and God would send me to Ghana for a second time and her a first time and she would lose her heart there too, and then He would send us there again, just the two of us, and place a calling on our lives that was something bigger than we could have ever imagined. It's incredible and even breathtaking. At the beginning of this trip, I was struggling with these questions: What is my purpose here, and why has God sent me here for a third time? He has answered those questions. He has called me to love in Ghana, West Africa. And that's what I will do.
As all of these things were coming to light, two little boys (Yaw and Kofi) unexpectedly wrapped their arms around my neck and began to shower my face with kisses. My eyes welled up with tears as I realized I was going to get this love every day someday soon. There would be no more leaving and no more goodbyes. Not only do I love them more than my heart can bare, but they love me well too. This love is not one-sided… It is beautiful and captivating.
August 6:
I'm losing track of time. I never know what day or hour it is. I am continually overtaken by beauty and love and every moment is precious to me. For the first time in my life I have not lived by a clock. I wake up with the sun and I go to sleep when it disappears and every minute in between is never taken for granted, it is embraced. I took a long walk today with a friend. Every person we passed on the road greeted us with a big beautiful Ghanian smile. The sounds of birds and bugs filled my ears and the beauty of God's majesty in creation captivated me. I never want to leave this place. I can just be. I can slow down and breathe. But reality is, I have to finish school which means I have to go back and I have to face the world of excess and distraction once again. But knowing that God has called me to be a nurse, means even when leaving hurts He will go with me. He will become my strength to finish the task and do it well so He can send me here for as long as He desires. I am willing and I am trusting.
August 7:
Claysey arrived early this morning (2ish). We greeted her and then quickly went back to sleep because we were leaving to go to Mole (mo-lay) in just a few hours. We are taking a little get away to a animal reserve with the family and the boys. I'm really excited to bring Yaw and Kofi because even though they have lived in Ghana their whole life, they haven't seen much past their village. When we left, we of course had more car trouble. We made it to one of the bigger cities to get it looked at and that turned into several hours of sitting. When we started to get into the city, I watched the boys as their eyes filled with wonder. And my most favorite moment was when we took them for lunch at a nicer restaurant. They ate like kings as they watched the muted television and tried to use their knives to cut their chicken. I wait in anticipation for tomorrow and the joy it will bring when I witness two village boys meet wild elephants and monkeys for the first time. It has been a long drive and I was able to do some bible reading. I read John 17 where Jesus hour is about to come and He prays for His disciples and His future sheep and those who have not yet even been born yet (i.e. you and me). It was overwhelming as I read each word that my Savior prayed. We are loved deeply and wholly. The verse that particularly stood out to me was: "The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you have sent me and loved them even as you have loved me." John 17:22-23. He has made me complete in Him and He has also made me and my sister one. Why? So we can love with the love He has given us so others can know the Father who sent Him.
We managed to make it to our hotel late tonight. Daddy made reservations to make sure we had a room, but honestly, I don't think that was needed. This place was in the middle of no where and it was pretty run down. I'm actually surprised I slept, I was just that exhausted. I experienced my first outside bucket bath and boy, was it fun. It made for a lot of laughs and good memories. It's funny how you don't have to have nice things to do that.
August 11:
It's the end of the day on Monday and I leave Friday. Just thinking about it puts knots in my stomach. This has been an incredible trip, but I just wish I had more time.
We started the first day of a VBS today. We had about 200 children show up. They all came in their best clothes and were wearing big smiles. I am looking forward to loving these children the next few days.
August 13:
Today was the last day of VBS. At the end of the program we all met in the church and the kids sang the songs they have learned. In one of the songs the words "it is finished" are repeated. I got goosebumps as I listened to 250 Ghanian children sing those words, getting louder and louder with every verse. It is finished. Death, sin, separation. Jesus ended it on the cross and those words resonate in my heart because I am free and I am His. It was a beautiful noise to hear today.
I spent most of the remainder of the day with the kids. I made sweet memories tonight at the well with 4 of my lovely little girls. We laughed and laughed some more and then I held Amanda in my arms until she fell asleep.
August 14:
Well, today is over and the only thing left to do is leave. Honestly, I still can't grasp it. I still feel like I'm going to wake up in the morning and have just another typical day. It hasn't quite hit me just yet. I've shed some tears throughout the day, mainly because of other people were shedding tears because we are leaving. But it's not even going to compare to what tomorrow holds.
This trip I have had the opportunity to deepen so many friendships, and now I have to put them on hold until I return. It's not an easy thing to do, especially when I love these friends and babies with my entire heart.
Tonight we had a bonfire and made s'mores with some of the kids. It was such a good time. Then later Lacey and I were able to hangout with some of the people we are trying to develop a closer friendship with. I really just want to know these people. And "these people" is such a crummy way of saying it because they are so much more than just random strangers. They have names, faces, unique personalities, and souls that are loved deeply by Jesus. And my role is to love them with His love. I have no greater privilege than to love His sheep. Because of Christ's love for me, I want to pour every ounce of that love out so my friends will know the same love I do.
August 15:
I woke up with a pounding heart that didn't want to face what was coming. We finished packing our last few things and before I knew it, I was saying, "see you later." Saying bye is always hard, but this time was harder because we have invested our hearts so much over this past month. But I will be back. I don't think I will ever have a "last trip" to this place. Well, until my Lord calls me home of course. And my hope is that by then my feet will permanently stained with red dirt and my heart will be emptied of all the love Christ has lavished on me. I hope that at the end of my life I can stand before Jesus and hear the words, "well done my good and faithful, dirty servant."
I held those kids in my arms as long as I could and kissed their faces. We loaded up in the van and they all waved from the road. We had a full van because we were dropping of several people at the hospital in a few towns over. Yaw was one of them. He held and rubbed my hand as I wept to myself. At one point he pulled it to get my attention and looked at me with his empathetic eyes and shook his head. Assuring me not to cry, that it would be okay; trying to be strong himself. It was going to be a long trip to the airport, but not long enough because that very day I would leave this place and my heart behind.
August 16:
We were so emotionally and physically exhausted that we slept the entire plane ride to London. Which never happens for me. We arrived at London early that morning and I felt so out of place as innumerable white people surrounded me. Here we are, dirty and straight out of the jungle of Africa and it's like we are in a completely different world now. Technology, nice clothes, nice hair, nice smells, nice facilities, no one looks at you, no one greets you. You're just another face in a sea of people. Time passed and we headed back to the states and my mom, brother, and nanny surprised me at the airport. We headed to Beaumont and I didn't have much to say. I was missing home deeply and I wasn't exactly happy to be back even if I did miss them while I was gone.
As I settled into my room and took a hot shower, I hurt. I didn't want comfort. I have learned to be content with nothing and when something nice came along, I was all the more grateful for it. I'll give you some examples... We lived in a village without electricity, when we travelled we stayed in a few "nice" hotels. They weren't the Hilton, but they were fancy in Ghanian standards. So when we had a five speed fan on the ceiling of our room, I looked at that with gratitude. We also eat a lot of Ghanian food and some time soups we can throw together, but one night Momma (Mrs. Patti) made us green beans and white potatoes with beef and cheese (4 things we rarely get there, especially the beef and cheese). I was almost in tears as I enjoyed a good home cooked meal. We prayed over that meal and thanked God for it. I was grateful. In the village we have to pee in a bucket and then empty it into a urinal and when we have business to take care of we go in a compost toilet. Basically it's a toilet seat with a huge container under it. When you're finished, you put saw dust in it and then close the lid. It smells pretty rank and there are bugs and flies. So when we travel and on a rare occasion come across a toilet that is in full function with a toilet paper roll, I am grateful; I even get excited about it. I think the problem in first world countries is that we have always had plenty. Nice things are normal, so normal that we forget about the Giver of those things and we also become blinded to the reality of the places outside of the bubble we live in. Most people in first world countries don't have gratitude because they've never been without. I've been without for a month and I can assure you that I have had more joy without nice things than I have had with. Coming back into a world of luxury with a heart that yearns to live with simplicity is overwhelming and difficult. This transition will take some time, so please be patient with me. I know it is very hard for some to relate or even to grasp what I am facing right now.
Conclusion:
This trip has been incredible. I believe God has given me a taste of what my life will look like within the next few years.
The first week or so was tough. I really struggled with not having my friends with me and God was also being quiet. I didn't know my purpose or why He sent me there again. However, after being still and just doing what He has commanded, to love, things started falling into place. I missed people less and America started to fade. I learned to live with less and allowed less to be enough. I learned to love deeply and also to be loved deeply. I learned to build friendships with people despite the language barrier at times. I learned to make most of the time I was given, not taking a second for granted. I learned to laugh when things didn't go the right way or when we had to stay in a hotel with a door that wouldn't shut or didn't have a shower which resulted in taking a bucket bath outside in the middle of a random village. (Naked white people are always a big hit there) I learned to be patient and to complain less. I have also learned that even though I had to leave and even though I will miss Ghana and the people terribly, I have to love and practice these things in America as well until I am sent back permanently. My life should reflect His love no matter where I am or what people I am serving.
Now that I am back in the states, I am struggling with comfort. It hurts to take a warm shower with an unending stream of water, to sleep in a comfortable bed in the cool AC, to have a flushing toilet, to drive in a car that is in one piece on a smooth road, to pick a place to eat when you have a thousand choices to choose from, to not walk outside and immediately become dirty. Because honestly, I love taking a cold shower after a long hot day, sleeping in a bed that was only big enough for me under a bug net, I love my lizard and bug friends that accompany me while I use the bathroom, I love the roller coaster rides in the van as I look in awe of the beauty of Ghana outside the window, I love thanking God for two loaves of bread in the morning and for His provision, and I love the red dirt on my feet that has stained my heart too. Even though this is hard, I am able to be content because I know I'll return.
Thank you for your continual prayers for me while on this trip. Lacey and I will still need them as we face America again. Pray that we will continue to hold nothing back as we love where we are. My heart misses home, but I cannot pass up the opportunities I have to love and reach people in my homeland right now. Will you join me in being intentional with the lost and broken around us, Christians? My prayer is that we will get our hands dirty and step out of our comfort zones. Let us never settle for mediocrity.
"I have one desire now - to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it.”
-Elisabeth Elliot
