A moving week.

I finally have time to blog because I am off today and tomorrow. Although this week was absolutely amazing, I needed some rest. I slept until twelve today and I still feel like I could sleep more. As you know, we had the special needs camp come in this week and they will also be here next week as well.  This camp was truly a blessing.

At first, I was very disappointed at this camp because I was stuck in the kitchen and had no interaction with these kids at all. We don't really have a lot of interaction anyway because this camp is not put together by ETBE. It's kind of like a camp that is just using our facility. The counselors and staff came in several days early to set up and get things together. I was quick to realize that these young adults were VERY different. At every meal they would holler, sing, stand on top of chairs, and put pickles on each other's faces. When I asked them their name they would respond with something off the wall. They all had nicknames that they went by. I'm not going to lie, these people scared me. But after getting to know them, and seeing them with their kids I realized why they do the things they do. Although it was weird at first, it made sense when the campers got there. They had to get into their world. They had to keep them entertained and always laughing, because these kids are very special and have to have a different kind of attention than us. A few days into the camp I was able to work the ropes course with them and for the first time have interaction with them. I was in tears by the end of the day. I witnessed these beautiful children overcome their fears and swing on our huge swing at the ropes course. I seen them freak out, cry, scream to the top of their lungs, and just about knock me off the ladder, but as soon as we got them hooked up and released the swing, everything went calm. They had so much joy and felt so free. They thought they were birds and would let their arms out and fly. This melted my heart. The next day I life guarded while they were at the pool. This was another amazing experience. It was a beautiful day out side, and it was so peaceful. It seemed almost perfect, and when the kids got to the pool they didn't have a worry in the world. There was one girl who was scared to jump off the diving board. Two counselors held her hands as she walked to the edge. She stood there for a good 10 minutes and everyone in the pool was chanting her name and when they would start to die down because she wouldn't jump she would holler out, "just keep going!!" She finally jumped and everyone cheered for her. She got out and with a huge smile said, "I want to do that again." This moment was beautiful. I've never witnessed anything like it. This week blew me away and there is still another week to go!

Another thing that moved me this week was the amount of growth that we have had in our "family."

Brian- He has never been very vocal about his faith. But after having a late night conversation with one of the Camp Blessing's 17 year old Cabin Leaders, God moved in his heart and shown a light on what he was blinded by. Every morning we have devotion and we forgot to assign someone to do it for the day after Brian had his talk with this guy. I believe it was all God's plan anyway because Brian volunteered to do it and shared what happened and how God spoke to him. He told us that Steven told him to close his eyes and picture his full name, and think of one word that summed up who he is. He chose athletic. He then said when he got back to the house he began to think about it and God showed him that actually his word was prideful. He shared that all his life it was about his accomplishments and how he made sure no one measured up to him. He then went on about how it should not be about him, but about God. This is a huge step for him and I know that God is changing him into the man he was created to be.

James- He was called on to pray one day and he said no. Now he has prayed in front of people a few times and that was a big step for him as well.

Trent- Trent is taking very small steps forward. He spent his days off with Joey and he came back somewhat different. I think he really needed that. He is being more open in Bible study and participating more too. I also seen his heart for children while we were working the ropes course together. I see God changing his hard heart a little at a time.

Also, last night was probably the best night I have had in a very long time. Claire, Mikeal, James, Caleb, and myself went out to eat and just hung out. You know you are in good company when you are having a great time not doing a lot of anything.

Continue to keep me lifted in prayer as I take on another week. I will also be sending out letter's for my mission trip soon so if you would like to be on my team please send me your address via text or Facebook.

It's not about me.

I am finally home and able to take a break so I wanted to catch you guys up on what has been going on the past few days. Thursday I went to orientation for Lamar and it was miserable. I had so many things go wrong and I sat in a room all day staring at a carpet wall. Yes, carpet. Why it wasn't on the floor I do not know. Anyway, I did not even get to finish all my stuff because I was there so late and a lot of the people that work there left. It was a relief to come back to the camp. Even though it's hard work, I'm surrounded by the Lord and His people. That makes all the difference.

 Also this week one of our staffer's, Brandon Gilbert, got really sick throwing up and his stomach was hurting him. They took him to the hospital and they did surgery to remove his appendix. He is now in recovery and should be back with us very soon. He is such a strong person and I know he will bounce back fast. I miss him so much already. Keep him lifted in prayer even though he is doing great. I'm just ready for him to be back at the camp.

So the other night we had Bible study with this week's camp pastor. He opened my eyes and also left me mind blown. This guy has such a passion for God's word and could quote scripture like no one's business. He has read the Bible twice a year for seventeen years. And everything that comes from his mouth is Truth. We had a Q&A session and he answered a lot of our tough questions, but the main thing I got out of it was that it's not about me. Everything I am, my plans, my life, my struggles, and blessings are nothing. I am simply here to bring God glory in everything. Creation, the continuous downfall and rising of God's people, Christ's birth, death, and resurrection, and everything in between was set in place to glorify God and to magnify His name. It's not about us. It never was and never will be. I am now trying to live my life with that mindset. In all circumstances I want to take the focus off of myself. I want to find satisfaction in knowing God for who He really is. Ryan quoted this entire passage of scripture:

Psalm 29.
Honor the Lord, you heavenly beings;
honor the Lord for his glory and strength.
Honor the Lord for the glory of his name.
Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness.

The voice of the Lord echoes above the sea.
The God of glory thunders.
The Lord thunders over the mighty sea.
The voice of the Lord is powerful;
the voice of the Lord is majestic.
The voice of the Lord splits the mighty cedars;
the Lord shatters the cedars of Lebanon.

He makes Lebanon’s mountains skip like a calf;
he makes Mount Hermon leap like a young wild ox.
The voice of the Lord strikes with bolts of lightning.
The voice of the Lord makes the barren wilderness quake;
the Lord shakes the wilderness of Kadesh.
The voice of the Lord twists mighty oaks and strips the forests bare.
In his Temple everyone shouts, “Glory!”

The Lord rules over the floodwaters.
The Lord reigns as king forever.
The Lord gives his people strength.
The Lord blesses them with peace.

This is God. This is the God that I want to know more and more. I want this power to reign over my life.

Moving on.. Saturday the campers left and so did the band, Ryan, and the rec team. I had such a great week getting to know some of these people. The band was phenomenal. Ryan was an inspiration and the rec team showed Jesus through everything they did. I got to really know one guy from the rec team and we had coffee late Saturday night. It was so great to talk about the Lord and what He is doing in our lives. It was also encouraging to know that there are guys out there that strive to live for Jesus. I am soooo thankful for this new friendship. We plan on reading through the entire Bible together as well as starting to memorize scripture.

It was good to see my church family this morning. And then I came home and took a 8 hour nap. It was much needed.. It's like when I am finally able to stop and rest it hits me and I go out for hours. I also just want to add how thankful I am for my dad since it is Father's Day. He is such a big part of my life. He has always been there when my real dad wasn't. He picked up the slack and treated me as his very own. He has taught me so much over the years, always encouraged and supported me, and also helped make me the strong-willed person that I am today. I remember as a little girl him chasing me through the house with shaving cream all over his face and finally catching me and kissing my cheeks getting it all over me. It would make me so mad, but I look back on that and smile. Thanks for everything Robert.

I go back to the camp tomorrow at 3. I plan on going into Beaumont to have lunch with my Nanny, then depending on time might get a massage because I am having problems with my shoulder. I have been in pain constantly so please pray for healing. This week we have camp "Blessing." This camp is for special needs children. I think this will be eye opening. Continue to pray for me. God is doing huge things!

Indescribable.

Again, I am not sure how to say this or put it into words. Sometimes those "God things" cannot be described. It's something so deep inside that only you and God know what it is. I had another one of those nights.


Today is the day I took my stand and spoke to around 300 people. God gave me the opportunity to be in the concession stand for 5 hours by myself to gather my thoughts. But honestly, I was not that worried about it. I did not spend much time going over it in my head because I knew that God was going to speak through me and give me the words to say. As the time drew nearer I started to get that feeling in my stomach. I went over what I wanted to say one more time and prayed that God would use me, take away my nerves, and let all the glory go to Him. I felt peace after that. We went over to the tabernacle and the band was doing sound check by playing a few songs. I could already feel the spirit. When the kids came in and got settled in their chairs Joey got up and gave some words about Ghana and their decision to follow Jesus. He handed the mic off the me and my nerves left me. I stopped once at the beginning because I was getting ahead of myself and in that pause I let go and let God do the rest. He spoke through me and was holding my hand the entire way. The fear left me. I shared with them how God began to desires in my heart to do more and to not live just an average life. I also told them what the summer staff does and how we are going to Ghana at the end of the summer. I elaborated more on those things as well. I would have never thought in a million years that God would call me to be a speaker for Him or bless me with that gift. But I feel more confident than I ever have. And my trust in God has become stronger because He stayed true to His promise. He took care of me. He is so good. After I spoke they prayed over us and it was powerful! Then the guy began to tell the kids about an offering and to come to the front as God leads them to leave money. We were on the front row and as the band began to play the kids came walking up and dropped money in the bowl. I broke down. This is the part that is so hard to describe. I really cannot tell you what was going on inside of me but I couldn't even stand up it hit me so hard. The same lady from lastnight that prophesied the gift and prayed over me came off the stage as they were playing and prayed over me again. I still yet to know her name. That was powerful as well. God is alive. There is no doubt about it. The spirit was so thick in that place and worship was amazing. Like I said, it is just so hard to describe what happened and what I felt. God is moving in my life and I cannot wait to see what is next. Continue to pray for me.

Unfathomable.

I have something to share with you guys. Something huge. It is going to be so hard to describe and to put into words what happened and how I feel, but I am going to try the best I can so you can see how awesome our God is.
If you read my previous blog I mentioned that Joey asked me to speak to the campers this week and how nervous I was about it. I also told you that God used me to bring His message when I had devotion. Well tonight the band that is staying this week to play for the camps came to do worship at our dorm. These people are BEAUTIFUL inside and out.  They are so genuine and have an amazing passion for Jesus and their ministry. Well, we began to worship and I had a million thoughts going through my head, but towards the second and third song I began to shut them off and focus on the Lord and I just cried. Tears were streaming down my face and I don't know why. I was broken and the Holy Spirit was stirring in my heart. At the end the group prayed for us and the lady singer kneeled down in front of me and grabbed my hand. After the group prayed and we said Amen she looked at me and said that she seen the tears in my eyes and she heard the Holy Spirit telling her to tell me that God is going to provide boldness and that He is going to make me a speaker and hat I am going to be fearless and He is going to use me. I have never met this woman or spoken to her one time and God used her to comfort me and prophesy what He is going to make me. This was the most amazing experience ever. The past few days I have felt like God was trying to get me out of my comfort zone by making me speak so much, but I never thought that His plan was for me to speak for Him. The entire atmosphere tonight was God centered and the music was incredible. Jesus filled that room. Jesus filled my heart. I am not sure what God has planned for me, but He has given me confidence to trust Him tonight and to follow Him because He promises to take care of me and provide. He has given me a new gift and I want to exercise it to glorify Him. He is beyond worthy. I feel so inadequate and unworthy though. Who am I that He would use me? I am reminded of His amazing grace and love in this time. I am His child and I am called for a purpose. His purpose. A greater purpose. I just cannot fathom this right now. Pray for me as I take this giant leap of faith. God is about to move in big ways.

Testing.

The past few days have been horrible. It's so hard for me to stay positive and to do everything that is set before me with a willing heart. It's hard not to complain and sometimes I just want to give up because people start to aggravate me. But one thing that I know for sure is that God has me here for a reason. Right now I think He is testing me. Over and over and over again.. and I keep failing. I get weighed down and now that I think about it, I haven't been praying in these times. I never just stop and give it over to God so He can change my perspective. Do not get me wrong, I absolutely love it here. We all have those days sometimes and I guess mine have just been more frequent. When it is all said and done and all the staff are sitting at the dining room table, or hanging out in our living area and we are laughing and having fellowship.. it is so worth it. I keep reminding myself that I am doing this for the Lord and for this trip to Ghana. He will get me through this and He will grow me up in my faith as well. So just keep me lifted in prayer please. It's tough, but I have been getting so much encouragement from my church family. It keeps me going.

I was able to go home late lastnight and attended church this morning. I did not get to visit much with anyone because right after I had to book it back to the camp. I wish I had more time. I love my church so much and it really hurts that I have not been able to attend. Scott and Amber I miss the most though.. I am so use to their constant encouragement and seeing their smiling faces as often as I can. I rarely see them anymore and was at the verge of tears just looking at them today. They have had such a huge impact in my life. Luckily they text me often and are still guiding me the best they can. I barely got to see my family as well. When I got home they were already in bed. I love my family and miss them. The only good thing about being gone so much is that when I come home my bubba is so sweet to me.. I never get that unless we are apart haha.

Joey asked me to give like a testimony I guess you could say sometime this week to the campers about how God got me here, what I am doing at ETBE, and the Ghana mission trip. I think God is trying to build up my confidence because I have had to get up and speak in front of people quite often. This is a pretty large group though.. I'm definitely nervous. But if I let God speak through me like I did at my devotion there is no doubt that I can do this without being so nervous.

Continue to pray for me. It's tough, but Jesus is holding my hand through it.

It costs everything.

I didn't post yesterday because I was dead dog tired. I spent all day in lifeguard training and I was exhausted. Today was the same way. From 9 to 5 we are in the pool or in the classroom. I have the most hideous tan lines ever haha. Tomorrow is the test and I'm pretty confident because we have done everything about a thousand times. I'm not complaining though. Yesterday I gave a devotion and God spoke through me. For those of you who know me know that I cannot speak in front of people without studdering (aruh aruh aruh... around-CIA insider). I spoke about what God gave me the other night when I was looking for my toothbrush.. Colossians 1. (if you read my previous blogs). Everything that I said came straight from God. He had it all planned.. The Holy Spirit convicted me to read my Bible, God gave me the scripture, then He prepared me for the devotion, and then He took over and spoke through me. That's pretty awesome. To God be the glory!

Joey, the missionary, had another meeting with us lastnight about Ghana. He discussed how we need to be communicating with others by letter or e-mail to put together a team. To give friends and family the option to support me by prayer, or financially, or even both to prepare for my mission trip. Prayer is a NEED, and so is giving to this ministry so I can go share the gospel. I also can use all the encouragement I can get. Joey mentioned that most people who are offered the opportunity to go on a mission trip always asks, "how much does it cost?" He responded to his statement that it's not just about the money; being a missionary costs everything. That kind of hit me. It's not just money I am giving up.. I might have to give my very life for Jesus Christ. That's scary, but at the same time I am comforted that I will be doing this for my Lord, knowing He will take care of me, and knowing that my salvation is secure. So with that being said.. if you would like to be on my team.. please let me know and begin to pray for me, the trip, and that the people that I will come across will be open to the Word. I will be sending out letters soon, but I would love your prayers and encouragement now as well.

Tonight the staff went and ate at TaMollie's and on the way up there Jordan and I worshipped to some Jesus Culture.. It was pretty awesome. Then we talked about our relationship with Christ and our callings. It's always so encouraging when I talk to other believers about what God is doing in my life and hearing what's going on in their life as well. We also had turnover and it wasn't as bad as I thought except that Brian and Dustin scared me like 5 times in a whole 2 minutes. It never ends haha.

I miss my church terribly.. I am hoping that I will be able to go Sunday morning. Continue to lift me up in prayer as I continue on this journey.

God is teaching me.

Today was far from what yesterday was. It was just one of those days and I let it get the best of me. After breakfast Brian and I got assigned to clean the bathrooms in the camper's dorms. Well, when we got to one dorm our keys would not work to the cleaning supplies closet. We spent probably about an hour trying to pick the lock with two knifes. After a while we decided to take the door off the hinges. We did our cleaning and then Brian took the initiative to put the door back on and forgot to unlock it when he did. So we had to do the whole process again. This took another hour to do because we could not get the door to line up. When we finally got it lined up I had to hammer the thing back in with my water bottle and smashed my finger. This did not sit well with me. I could have just shook it off, but instead I dwelled on it for a good while. I felt like God gave me a beautiful day yesterday and then tested me the next. As I was thinking about the situation God gave me a scripture that I vaguely remember in Job. I read this forever ago and it hit me out of no where today. It reads: "..should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?.." Job 2:10. This reminded me that everyday, no matter what circumstances, is a gift from God. Now that I look back on this small thing that happened today, I realize that God was teaching me. After having a perfect day yesterday and then a not so great day today, God is still the same and He still wants to work in my life even when He is showing me things in a different way. It's kind of cool to see how God used that situation to teach me. I need to work on letting things go and before reacting in flesh think about how God expects me to react.

After that blew over the rest of the day wasn't so terrible. I started my lifeguard training today. The man teaching the class was a pretty cool guy and had massive leg muscles. Not that matters, just thought I should add that because that's the first thing I noticed haha. He held my attention and I feel like I learned quite a bit. After the class everyone else went to the pool to start their training there. I was called to the ropes course. I belayed a few kids up the rock wall and my hand was starting to cramp at about the second one. As soon as I was done with that I had to go to the pool to catch up with everyone else. By the end of the training, I was dead. My arms were like jello from swimming and I felt like my lungs were about to explode. I am pretty confident that I will be a certified lifeguard by the end of the week though.

At 10:00 PM the missionary, Joey, had a meeting with us. We talked about Ghana and the people. This made me so excited. It is finally becoming a reality to me. This guy is so genuine and has a love for the Lord and His lost people like no one I have ever seen. You could hear it in His voice and see it through the tears on his cheeks. Be praying for this mission trip. God listens.

Another day with God's presence.

I woke up this morning to my alarm singing "Deep Cries Out," by Bethel. Hearing that made me want to get up and dance. I woke up with a joy in my heart. Last night it was about 1 o'clock when I was getting ready for bed and I put off reading my Bible to set up my blog. So when I was looking for my toothbrush I could not find it anywhere. I searched through my backpack a few times and I had this feeling like I needed to get my Bible out. When I got it out, my toothbrush was underneath it. I felt like that was God telling me to put Him first and read my Bible. I opened it up to Colossians and read about the Gospel. Colossians 1 lays out the Gospel so beautifully. You should check it out. But God reminded me of what my purpose of this summer is. To strive towards this mission trip to Ghana in August. I will be sharing the Good News with people that are thirsty for hope. People who are thirsty for the Word of God. When I read this verse it really spoke to me. "This same Good News that came to you is going out all over the world. It is bearing fruit everywhere by changing lives, just as it changed your lives from the day you first heard and understood the truth about God's wonderful grace." Colossians 1:6. How awesome is that! The same God who changed my life is changing lives around the entire world and I'm going to witness that up front. Also today the missionary we are going to Ghana with arrived. His name is Joey and when we began to talk at dinner about his experiences and what Ghana is like, I began to get so excited. I cannot wait for this mission trip to roll around.

On another note, I miss my youth group so much. I got a call from my youth minister today and he filled me in on whats been going on at Student Life. I am so bummed out that I did not get to go with them this year, but I know that God has me just where He wants me. I have been praying so much that God will do amazing things in each and every one of their hearts this week. Even though I am not physically with them, my spirit is. My youth group has been such a huge part of my life and it hurts to be separated from them because I love every one of them so much. They all are unique in their own way and full of the Spirit. God has a plan for them. I believe that He is going to raise up great leaders in that group and I hope I have set a good example to them. When Scott called me, he shared that a few of our youth girls were broken at invitation because they are now seniors and feel like that have such big shoes to fill. That really touched my heart to know someone looked up to me that much, but I could have been better. I could have done things differently, I could have done more. So my advice to them would be to JUST BE. Think about what that means. My father preached that to me one day and it really touched me and changed the way I live. I love them so much and God is  going to do great things in and through their lives. Always remember that we are nothing.. But Jesus is EVERYTHING.

Today I sorted out the concession stand and then built a camp fire for the campers to have tonight. Then Caleb and I went into the office to make lanyards. I saw a different side of him. We had a heart to heart and despite the way we treat each other sometimes we kind of bonded. We talked about our faith and the future. I really believe God has him here for a reason. He is very passionate about this serving opportunity and he loves it. It was just awesome to see that spark in him. While we were making the lanyards, Brian's daughter, Missy, came and sat in my lap. She just finished kindergarten. I braided her hair and she sang "Jesus Loves Me." This little girl has such a beautiful spirit. She then began to tell me that only by Jesus's blood our sins can be washed away. I asked her if she had Jesus in her heart and she said "YES! I asked Him." Wowww.. God is going to use this little girl one day. There's no doubt. He already is.

Continue to pray for me. I saw things differently today. God is starting to show up more and more. I cherish these little things that God shows His presence through. It's kind of indescribable.

Well, here we go...

So I decided to start a blog because my youth minister, his wife, and another girl I'm staffing with inspired me to. I think that this would be a great way to share with my family and friends what's going on at camp while I'm away for the summer. It will also give me a door to share my thoughts and my feelings. I have so much going through my head and this will be a great opportunity to sort it all out. Since I am just now starting this a week into my adventure let me fill you in on what you have missed.

Before we left Buna most of us that were going to staff from our church stopped by the church to pray and hear some words of encouragement from our youth minister. Dustin and Brian had already headed up to the camp, so that left me, Kayla, Nick, Brandon, and Caleb. Brother Scott and Amber (his wifey) began to speak truth into us and for me, that made all the difference. We ended with prayer and then went on our way. When I first got to my dorm, I was greeted by a girl named Salena. I'm sure you will hear a lot about Salena down the road. ;) Anyway, I picked out my bed and my bestfriend (Kayla) bunked beside me. I didn't have a lot of time to get settled in because we had to go to lunch and then start our orientation. Orientation was FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR long. But as James, Andy, and Mrs. Frankie began to speak I was quick to notice thier passion for what they do and their love for the Lord. I could feel the spirit moving inside me when they began to talk about what they feel God has planned for this summer. The rest of the week we cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned. Mrs. Frankie had us "rewarsh" every single pot and pan in that kitchen. After about three days, we finally finished. Me and Brandon had the privledge to make the famous meatloaf Mrs. Frankie cooks. We were both elbow deep in it. My fingers were frozen because the beef wasn't thawed all the way. But ohhhhhhhhhhh myyy goshhh it was good. We also have been doing some training on the ropes course. That is my favorite. I learned how to make different types of knots, how to harness someone up, and how to belay them. Oh, and I mastered the rock wall! Haha which surprised me because I have no upper body strength what so ever. I also was the test dummy on the huge swing that I almost lost my life on. The "mules" thought it would be funny to pull me up farther than the limbs. I about lost it. By the end of the week I was worn smooth out... James let us go home Saturday night and I slept all day today and now I am back at the camp. This week, will be the first week that we are having campers here. I am looking forward to it.

Before coming into this I was hoping to grow in my relationship with Christ and to learn to be selfless. Although it's only been a week into it, I have found this to be a big challenge. By the end of the day I am so tired that I don't feel like reading my Bible or journaling. And because I'm in a room with a lot of people.. it's hard to have the quiet time I want to have. It is also hard to be positive at times and to be an encouragement to others. I fail a lot. But this is all a learning process and I have been praying for my heart to be changed. I want to strive to be all that God has created me to be. So as your reading this say a prayer for me.