Ghana, West-Africa 2014

Here is just a look into some of my days during my stay in Ghana. If you know Jesus, my hope is that you will be encouraged through my stay in Ghana and that you will join Him in the work He is doing among the nations. If you do not know Jesus, my hope is that you will see your need for Him and that you will begin to seek Him.

July 20:

I am back in Ghana for the third time and I will be staying here for a month. The first week has passed and I find myself struggling... What is my purpose here, why has God sent me here for a third time, and why does He seem distant? It has been hard for me to adjust to no nagging distractions, no framily (code name for my friends), and no comfort (i.e. a flushing toilet, warm water, AC, McDonalds, or electricity). It has been so hard to "be still and know that He is God" because I have become so good at becoming busy every waking moment. Something is always occupying my time, my thoughts, and my energy. However, while I'm here I have the opportunity to let go of those things and just be, but it’s difficult. Because when I let my mind and body rest, I have to deal with my heart. My heart is a problem. I realize my heart is not as close to the One who has bought it with His blood. This month I have to opportunity to deepen my relationship with Jesus and I desperately want to, but the enemy will do everything possible to hinder that. It is time to fight. 

July 22:

Everyday we are in Kotokata one person after another comes to the Bethany Box (the Romero's house) to seek medical attention. I have seen more malaria, tuberculosis, and dirty wounds than most Americans have seen in their lifetime. God continues to confirm my calling to be nurse in those moments. This is just the push I needed to finish school strong. I have been so discouraged and burnt out lately and I still have 2 1/2 years of school to finish. So having my calling continually confirmed in moments of doubt is liberating. I'm thankful to have a God that leaves me small reminders. I need those more than I'd like to admit. 

Today I have witnessed a break through. A girl named Mary is living with the Romero's so she can recovery from Tuberculosis. Night after night we listen to her cough and vomit from choking on mucous. Most days she feels so bad that she doesn't speak or eat. The whole time we have been here we only have gotten a small smile and a "I am fine" when we ask her how she is feeling. Tonight as I write this, Mary has been laughing, singing, and having conversations with us. She is healing. By the grace of God, her life is saved. You see, Mary and her family refused treatment of this disease that was consuming her lungs because the witch doctor told them that she would die from the needles and injections. It took some time and prayers for the Romero's to convince them to let her get the treatment. This is the reality here. Most people put their hope in false gods or in the hands of men who claim to have much power because they are trying to cling to something greater than them, hoping that this “greater power” will intervene. However, the only one capable of doing that is Jesus. And our role as christians is to bring this Jesus to them. 

“How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” Romans 10:14-15.

July 26:

We left for the Northern region yesterday morning for a Linguistics and Bible translation banquet Joey and Joshua had been invited to. We planned on leaving at 9. We had our bags loaded about to leave when a mother of 5 came with all of her children and one small boy on her back who was running 105 fever. We immediately took his clothes off and started wiping him down with cold water. As he screamed and cried, my heart only hurt more. After his temperature dropped a few degrees we gave him the medicine he needed to get rid of the malaria. As the mother held her crying child, I sat down beside her and placed my hand on her shoulder. The tears welled up in her eyes. I'm not sure what she was thinking, but I'll take a guess. She felt helpless. Her husband came to us the night before with excruciating abdominal pain and we had to send him to the hospital. She was alone with her 5 children and one was near death if treatment hadn't come. Although she felt helpless, she knew help had come and that she, her children, and husband would be okay. We prayed over her assuring her that the help she was given came from Jesus. And it did. We were there at that very moment because God ordained it. For that, I am thankful. It is for this reason that I am willing to leave comfort behind and get my hands dirty some day. To be a part of moments like these where I can be a vessel that the hope of Christ flows through. Not only giving hope physically, but in those moments point to Jesus and say, “the help you were given today came from the Lord. He loves you. He cares for you. He can heal the sickness that is much deeper than your physical illness.”

We traveled all day to the North. It was a long ride, but I put in some headphones and was able to read. When you are going through the beautiful land of Ghana while listening to worship music, you can't help but to be in awe at the Creator and all His majesty that shouts praises through His creation. As we made way further North the more Muslims I saw. Early this morning as we were still sleeping in our 5 star Hilton hotel room (totally kidding) I could hear the echoes of the Muslim prayer through a sound system. The reality hit me hard: I live in a lost world that is dying. After the banquet we began another long venture to Wenchi and we will be staying there the next few days so we can minister to the Ligbi. I'm not sure what to expect though. I am nervous and excited at the same time. The Ligbi is an all Muslim people group. A man with the name of Joshua has been working diligently to create a written language (their language is only oral) for them in order to translate the Bible in the Ligbi language. His story is extraordinary. This man has a heart full of love for these people. He continues to go back and love them even after the leaders had him shot. He survived 3 bullets and he is still willing to return to them and do the task God has called Him to do. That is love. 

July 27:

Today we visited the Ligbi. Specifically a widow with 3 children. HCM is building her a house because her home has been severely damaged. This is allowing God's love to be sewn into this community in small but drastic amounts and I have witnessed that. This village was different than the ones I have been through before. There was a mosque on the corner where the people of this village worshipped. The children were hesitant. They were not full of life or love like the ones I have grown to know over the past few years. Some smiled and laughed, but majority were the opposite, they kept their distance and made no interaction. Some of the village people greeted us with smiles and handshakes, but there was particularly a man I remember seeing in the distance. As we were crossing the street, my eyes met a man who had an expression on his face that was piercing. He hated us. I became overwhelmed with emotions. Why does this man and so many other Muslims hate Christians? We only come to love and share the best gift anyone could ever receive. Our beliefs collide. One says hate the Christian and the other says love the Muslim. How do we love someone who hates us? We look at the cross. Jesus loved those who hated Him while He was being slain like a lamb, becoming the ultimate sacrifice. This is where God's love for man and hate for sin intersects and we can now be reconciled to God and live in a relationship with Him forever. We become His. Our hearts should be burning with desire for those who hate God to know this Gospel. We have to lay down our life, take up our cross, allow the Holy Spirit to work through us, and have the faith to move our feet... that is how we love them. Is it easy? Absolutely not. We have brothers and sisters all over the world being persecuted daily because of their love for Jesus and their love for His lost sheep, but they keep going back. They keep loving. They know that Christ is worthy and whether they live or die, it will be for His name sake. "To live is Christ, to die is gain." I want to live a life so abandoned that this truth can reign true in my own life.  

July 29:

It has been a hectic few days. We have had car trouble since we left the village on the 25th. We made it in one piece to the banquet, but as soon as we pulled into our hotel it all started to go downhill. So basically we have been stuck in a hotel doing nothing but staring at the wall while Vincent tries to get things fixed and find specific parts. I knew this month would be much different than my last trips. I would be living the every day life of a missionary with no scheduled agenda, but instead to do as the Spirit leads.  This peek into "every day life" also includes wasteful days when things just don't go right. We have had some fun experiences though. Like two white girls pushing a van down the middle of a street at night to try to get it to start with hundreds of Ghanians laughing at what they saw. We just wanted some Fan Ice (ice cream-ish), but instead we got a work out. We also have had to travel via taxi everywhere. We have met some interesting people in their small cars that were almost impossible to fit in, but we made it work. We have laughed at each other in our delirium, annoyed each other because there was nothing else to do, and I've managed to hit a bunch of chickens with rocks because that's the only logical thing to do when boredom strikes. Tomorrow we are going back to the village with or without the van. So this may be interesting....

July 30:

Have I really been here 2 weeks? I feel like it's been forever. Time slows down when you rest and be still, but nonetheless, the trip will eventually come to an end and I will have to return to a not changed world with a changed heart. It's going to be rough. 

We have finally made it back to Kotokata in the van! When we returned Yaw, Kofi, Simone, Etse, and Philip were there to greet us with the biggest smiles and the sweetest hugs. If only I could hold them there forever. As I gave them hugs and kisses, I could only think about how much my heart missed them for just those short days and how much my heart was going to break when I have to leave them for a year. These boys have changed my life and so has this place.

July 31:

Today was pretty laid back. After being on the road all day yesterday, we kind of just rested. However, I want to share with you something Lacey, Daddy, and I have been discussing... An orphanage. Since before Lacey and I left, we have been feeling our hearts being pulled to start an orphanage in this place we both long to be in. For you to understand this, you have to understand that Lacey and I have a divine friendship. It all started when we first met. She laughed and then I laughed, and it was the same distinct laugh. Our laugh is rare and extremely annoying, and when we are put together, things just get out of hand. So then as our friendship started to grow, we realized that everything about who we are is the same. We like the same things, we have the same habits, we have the same style, we have the same problems, we face the same struggles and we are able to see the other person through those struggles because the other had already overcome it. We even think the same thoughts and it gets really freaky sometimes. Sometimes we will text each other and send the same message at the same time. I'm telling you, it's like we are the same person. She is my soul sister. So last year when she came to Ghana for the first time, she lost her heart just like I did my first trip. She lost her heart to Yayira, the little sister to the boys I lost my heart to, Yaw and Kofi. Then a few months after we returned from Ghana we got word that Yaw, Kofi, and Yayira's mother died from an illness. Our hearts broke for this family. The mother is basically all they had because their father was never around much due to his love for alcohol. We had no idea what would happen to them. Separated by thousands of miles, we could do nothing but pray for these little ones. A few months later, the father died from being so drunk that he passed out in a ditch after a hard rain and drowned. These children were now orphans. Again, we could only pray. They were passed around from one family member to another. They eventually ended up staying with an aunt and uncle who could not care for them. We suspect there was some abuse and there was definitely neglect towards Yaw. Because the father wasn't Yaw's biological father, they concluded that Yaw was a wizard and put a curse on the dad causing death. Yaw spent a lot of time sleeping in the woods and even on the Romero's porch. The Romero's took him in and loved him. Yaw and Kofi are very close. So when Yaw left, Kofi hid. He would hide from the family in the forrest and even skip school. The Romero's went to the family and asked if they could take Kofi and Yayira also. They agreed to let Kofi stay, but not Yayira. It is a pride issue. The family does not want the other village people to know that they cannot take care of these children and had to entrust them to a white man. So the boys are being loved and nurtured in a stable home where there is loving discipline and care, and Yayira is still bound to a family who cannot care for her like she needs to be. It hurts, and it really hurts my sister. God has given us the same heart for the same  orphaned family. We both know that adoption is not an option for either of us because of the regulations with the government and we are both at a place in our lives where it's just not possible for us to bring them to America and be able to provide for them. But we do know that a piece of paper means nothing and that if they can't come with us, we can come to them. These children represent many other children like them with similar stories. Our hearts beat to love them, care for them, disciple them, and send them out to the same. Before we felt this call, Joey had already been thinking about something like this, but didn't know who would do it or how it would happen. God answered. We have been praying for confirmation, and there are no flashing lights or big billboard signs, but there is this stirring in my heart that says, "step out in faith and trust Me." Join us in praying for this. 

August 1:

Today we went to the market to pick up a few things. I've been to the market quite a few times, but I still hurt every time I go. It's all so overwhelming. There are people every where staring at you because you are white. It's crowded and the place reeks. I try to hold my breath especially when I get to the side where there is dried fish everywhere sitting in the heat with swarms of flies flying around it. Then there is the meat section… You go inside a building and they are butchering meat and it's probably the most unsanitary thing I've ever been around. I’ll spare you the details. But this is reality for them. While I'm wishing I was in a Walmart, they are just trying to make some money to feed themselves and their 10 kids. It's not easy to swallow and I don't expect you to understand, but please understand this... be thankful for what you have. Life in America is drastically different from the rest of the world. We have so much that we take for granted every day. Have gratitude towards God. When things go bad or you don't get what you want, don't blame Him. Recognize what you have right now and thank Him for it. We need a perspective change.

August 2:

Today was one of those days where my heart is so full it could burst. It was a rainy day so we stayed inside and read, talked, and planned. We are all sitting in the "living room" and Joey had a dry erase board that he used to draw out a two story house. A house that would be a haven for orphans. The entire time we were discussing this, I just couldn't help but be in awe of my God and how He orchestrates all things together to fit perfectly. Who would have known that 3 years ago I would meet a crazy, mung-toed, old man while working at a summer camp and develop a lasting friendship with him over that summer. I would stay with him in his home in Africa and lose my heart there. I would also meet his son and become good friends with him and I would become friends with his friends and we would all become a family and we would grow in Jesus together and I would love them and they would love me. And I would meet my soul sister in that family and God would send me to Ghana for a second time and her a first time and she would lose her heart there too, and then He would send us there again, just the two of us, and place a calling on our lives that was something bigger than we could have ever imagined. It's incredible and even breathtaking. At the beginning of this trip, I was struggling with these questions: What is my purpose here, and why has God sent me here for a third time? He has answered those questions. He has called me to love in Ghana, West Africa. And that's what I will do. 

As all of these things were coming to light, two little boys (Yaw and Kofi) unexpectedly wrapped their arms around my neck and began to shower my face with kisses. My eyes welled up with tears as I realized I was going to get this love every day someday soon. There would be no more leaving and no more goodbyes. Not only do I love them more than my heart can bare, but they love me well too. This love is not one-sided… It is beautiful and captivating. 

August 6:

I'm losing track of time. I never know what day or hour it is. I am continually overtaken by beauty and love and every moment is precious to me. For the first time in my life I have not lived by a clock. I wake up with the sun and I go to sleep when it disappears and every minute in between is never taken for granted, it is embraced. I took a long walk today with a friend. Every person we passed on the road greeted us with a big beautiful Ghanian smile. The sounds of birds and bugs filled my ears and the beauty of God's majesty in creation captivated me. I never want to leave this place. I can just be. I can slow down and breathe. But reality is, I have to finish school which means I have to go back and I have to face the world of excess and distraction once again. But knowing that God has called me to be a nurse, means even when leaving hurts He will go with me. He will become my strength to finish the task and do it well so He can send me here for as long as He desires. I am willing and I am trusting. 

August 7:

Claysey arrived early this morning (2ish). We greeted her and then quickly went back to sleep because we were leaving to go to Mole (mo-lay) in just a few hours. We are taking a little get away to a animal reserve with the family and the boys. I'm really excited to bring Yaw and Kofi because even though they have lived in Ghana their whole life, they haven't seen much past their village. When we left, we of course had more car trouble. We made it to one of the bigger cities to get it looked at and that turned into several hours of sitting. When we started to get into the city, I watched the boys as their eyes filled with wonder. And my most favorite moment was when we took them for lunch at a nicer restaurant. They ate like kings as they watched the muted television and tried to use their knives to cut their chicken. I wait in anticipation for tomorrow and the joy it will bring when I witness two village boys meet wild elephants and monkeys for the first time. It has been a long drive and I was able to do some bible reading. I read John 17 where Jesus hour is about to come and He prays for His disciples and His future sheep and those who have not yet even been born yet (i.e. you and me). It was overwhelming as I read each word that my Savior prayed. We are loved deeply and wholly. The verse that particularly stood out to me was: "The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you have sent me and loved them even as you have loved me." John 17:22-23. He has made me complete in Him and He has also made me and my sister one. Why? So we can love with the love He has given us so others can know the Father who sent Him. 

We managed to make it to our hotel late tonight. Daddy made reservations to make sure we had a room, but honestly, I don't think that was needed. This place was in the middle of no where and it was pretty run down. I'm actually surprised I slept, I was just that exhausted. I experienced my first outside bucket bath and boy, was it fun. It made for a lot of laughs and good memories. It's funny how you don't have to have nice things to do that. 

August 11:

It's the end of the day on Monday and I leave Friday. Just thinking about it puts knots in my stomach. This has been an incredible trip, but I just wish I had more time. 

We started the first day of a VBS today. We had about 200 children show up. They all came in their best clothes and were wearing big smiles.  I am looking forward to loving these children the next few days. 

August 13:

Today was the last day of VBS. At the end of the program we all met in the church and the kids sang the songs they have learned. In one of the songs the words "it is finished" are repeated. I got goosebumps as I listened to 250 Ghanian children sing those words, getting louder and louder with every verse. It is finished. Death, sin, separation. Jesus ended it on the cross and those words resonate in my heart because I am free and I am His. It was a beautiful noise to hear today. 

I spent most of the remainder of the day with the kids. I made sweet memories tonight at the well with 4 of my lovely little girls. We laughed and laughed some more and then I held Amanda in my arms until she fell asleep. 

August 14:

Well, today is over and the only thing left to do is leave. Honestly, I still can't grasp it. I still feel like I'm going to wake up in the morning and have just another typical day. It hasn't quite hit me just yet. I've shed some tears throughout the day, mainly because of other people were shedding tears because we are leaving.  But it's not even going to compare to what tomorrow holds.

This trip I have had the opportunity to deepen so many friendships, and now I have to put them on hold until I return. It's not an easy thing to do, especially when I love these friends and babies with my entire heart. 

Tonight we had a bonfire and made s'mores with some of the kids. It was such a good time. Then later Lacey and I were able to hangout with some of the people we are trying to develop a closer friendship with. I really just want to know these people. And "these people" is such a crummy way of saying it because they are so much more than just random strangers. They have names, faces, unique personalities, and souls that are loved deeply by Jesus. And my role is to love them with His love. I have no greater privilege than to love His sheep. Because of Christ's love for me, I want to pour every ounce of that love out so my friends will know the same love I do. 

August 15:

I woke up with a pounding heart that didn't want to face what was coming. We finished packing our last few things and before I knew it, I was saying, "see you later." Saying bye is always hard, but this time was harder because we have invested our hearts so much over this past month. But I will be back. I don't think I will ever have a "last trip" to this place. Well, until my Lord calls me home of course. And my hope is that by then my feet will permanently stained with red dirt and my heart will be emptied of all the love Christ has lavished on me. I hope that at the end of my life I can stand before Jesus and hear the words, "well done my good and faithful, dirty servant." 

I held those kids in my arms as long as I could and kissed their faces. We loaded up in the van and they all waved from the road. We had a full van because we were dropping of several people at the hospital in a few towns over. Yaw was one of them. He held and rubbed my hand as I wept to myself. At one point he pulled it to get my attention and looked at me with his empathetic eyes and shook his head. Assuring me not to cry, that it would be okay; trying to be strong himself. It was going to be a long trip to the airport, but not long enough because that very day I would leave this place and my heart behind. 

August 16:

We were so emotionally and physically exhausted that we slept the entire plane ride to London. Which never happens for me. We arrived at London early that morning and I felt so out of place as innumerable white people surrounded me. Here we are, dirty and straight out of the jungle of Africa and it's like we are in a completely different world now. Technology, nice clothes, nice hair, nice smells, nice facilities, no one looks at you, no one greets you. You're just another face in a sea of people. Time passed and we headed back to the states and my mom, brother, and nanny surprised me at the airport. We headed to Beaumont and I didn't have much to say. I was missing home deeply and I wasn't exactly happy to be back even if I did miss them while I was gone. 

As I settled into my room and took a hot shower, I hurt. I didn't want comfort. I have learned to be content with nothing and when something nice came along, I was all the more grateful for it. I'll give you some examples... We lived in a village without electricity, when we travelled we stayed in a few "nice" hotels. They weren't the Hilton, but they were fancy in Ghanian standards. So when we had a five speed fan on the ceiling of our room, I looked at that with gratitude. We also eat a lot of Ghanian food and some time soups we can throw together, but one night Momma (Mrs. Patti) made us green beans and white potatoes with beef and cheese (4 things we rarely get there, especially the beef and cheese). I was almost in tears as I enjoyed a good home cooked meal. We prayed over that meal and thanked God for it. I was grateful. In the village we have to pee in a bucket and then empty it into a urinal and when we have business to take care of we go in a compost toilet. Basically it's a toilet seat with a huge container under it. When you're finished, you put saw dust in it and then close the lid. It smells pretty rank and there are bugs and flies. So when we travel and on a rare occasion come across a toilet that is in full function with a toilet paper roll, I am grateful; I even get excited about it. I think the problem in first world countries is that we have always had plenty. Nice things are normal, so normal that we forget about the Giver of those things and we also become blinded to the reality of the places outside of the bubble we live in. Most people in first world countries don't have gratitude because they've never been without. I've been without for a month and I can assure you that I have had more joy without nice things than I have had with. Coming back into a world of luxury with a heart that yearns to live with simplicity is overwhelming and difficult. This transition will take some time, so please be patient with me. I know it is very hard for some to relate or even to grasp what I am facing right now. 

Conclusion:

This trip has been incredible. I believe God has given me a taste of what my life will look like within the next few years. 

The first week or so was tough. I really struggled with not having my friends with me and God was also being quiet. I didn't know my purpose or why He sent me there again. However, after being still and just doing what He has commanded, to love, things started falling into place. I missed people less and America started to fade. I learned to live with less and allowed less to be enough. I learned to love deeply and also to be loved deeply. I learned to build friendships with people despite the language barrier at times. I learned to make most of the time I was given, not taking a second for granted. I learned to laugh when things didn't go the right way or when we had to stay in a hotel with a door that wouldn't shut or didn't have a shower which resulted in taking a bucket bath outside in the middle of a random village. (Naked white people are always a big hit there) I learned to be patient and to complain less. I have also learned that even though I had to leave and even though I will miss Ghana and the people terribly, I have to love and practice these things in America as well until I am sent back permanently. My life should reflect His love no matter where I am or what people I am serving. 

Now that I am back in the states, I am struggling with comfort. It hurts to take a warm shower with an unending stream of water, to sleep in a comfortable bed in the cool AC, to have a flushing toilet, to drive in a car that is in one piece on a smooth road, to pick a place to eat when you have a thousand choices to choose from, to not walk outside and immediately become dirty. Because honestly, I love taking a cold shower after a long hot day, sleeping in a bed that was only big enough for me under a bug net, I love my lizard and bug friends that accompany me while I use the bathroom, I love the roller coaster rides in the van as I look in awe of the beauty of Ghana outside the window, I love thanking God for two loaves of bread in the morning and for His provision, and I love the red dirt on my feet that has stained my heart too. Even though this is hard, I am able to be content because I know I'll return. 

Thank you for your continual prayers for me while on this trip. Lacey and I will still need them as we face America again. Pray that we will continue to hold nothing back as we love where we are. My heart misses home, but I cannot pass up the opportunities I have to love and reach people in my homeland right now. Will you join me in being intentional with the lost and broken around us, Christians? My prayer is that we will get our hands dirty and step out of our comfort zones. Let us never settle for mediocrity.

"I have one desire now - to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it.” 

-Elisabeth Elliot

Embracing His Call

My heart is overflowing.

Friday and Saturday I attended the Passion Conference in Houston. Before I begin to tell you the things that God did in my heart, let me tell you where my heart has been preconference.

I have been stuck. I’ve been walking through life for a while so distant from the Lord. I have put idols in front of the God who saved my sinful soul from hell and accredited me righteous in sight of His holiness. Sound really stupid when I put it that way, huh? Such stupidity. Such ignorance. Foolishness. How could I? The enemy has wedged his way into my weaknesses like a snake. He has fed me lies that I held on to ignoring God’s goodness, ignoring His calling. I have been miserable for months. I held on to tangible things that could NEVER satisfy my soul like Jesus. I thought I had it all figured out. The plans I made for myself were more important than those of my Sovereign God. As I was faced with those things being taken away from me, I was forced to run back to Jesus. As I ran back to Him, my heart still couldn’t feel. It was calloused. I began to pray that He would be enough for me again. That I would be found whole in Jesus. That He would begin to use me again. That I would find satisfaction in walking in His presence daily. I saw Him show up here and there. He was kind of giving me a jolt, but not yet fully reviving me. I waited, and I began to get impatient. The enemy was trying to make me grab ahold of the things I was trying to let go of. It was an exhausting battle. However, I somehow knew that He was going to do something big over this weekend at Passion.

A while back God spoke to me through the passage in Matthew 14 where Jesus walks on the water in the middle of a storm and calls out to Peter to come onto the water with Him. Let me refresh your memory:

“Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” Matthew 14:22-33.

This has stuck with me for a while now. I have to constantly remind myself to keep my eyes on Jesus, because when I take my eyes of the One who calls “come,” I will sink like doubting Peter. I’ve struggled with this though. I thought for a long time that I was keeping my eyes on Jesus when out of my peripherals I was actually focusing on the waves and storm. I, Brettnay, was still sinking.

This is all going to tie together, bear with me.

So this weekend I waited in expectation for God to move, to speak, to do something. I was desperate and tired. Passion was good. I was getting a lot out of it, but the Holy Spirit wasn’t speaking directly to me. I was getting so much out of the speakers and the worship was phenomenal, but I was beginning to get disappointed. I needed to intimately meet with Jesus.

The nations have a tender spot in my heart. I have been so incredibly blessed that God has graciously opened my eyes to His purpose:

“After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!” Revelation 7:9-10

“And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.” Matthew 24:14

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

The weight of “every tribe, tongue, and nation” coming to the knowledge of Jesus Christ weighs heavy on my heart. And what weighs even heavier is that He has chosen me to go. For so long I have suppressed this calling. I was filled with fear. What if God sends me somewhere where I will have to endure persecution or even death? What if the man I thought so surely I was going to marry was not called to the nations and I had to let him go and be alone on this journey? The enemy filled me with this fear and that made me try to compromise my calling. “Well, I don’t know if I’m really called to go.” “Maybe God isn’t calling me full time.” “Maybe I am just supposed to be a sender.” When my heart knew that wasn’t the case. It was exhausting and I couldn’t share in the joy of Jesus because I was being disobedient.

This weekend at Passion the nations weighed heavy on my heart. The conference was funding Bibles to Iranian people and they told the story of a lady that was doing everything in her power to reach the people of her nation. They showed a video of her giving her testimony. She came to know Jesus through the Word and spent her life smuggling Bibles and telling people everywhere she went about this Jesus that saved her. It is illegal in Iran to be a Christian, and the police found out about her and threw her in prison. She did not know how long she would be there, if she would die, etc. This women signed her death sentence when she made Jesus Lord. Such boldness. She was at the conference and everyone gave her a standing ovation. She humbly pointed to Jesus. My heart was full of joy to see what God is doing in the nations and that 17,000 people were able to get a glimpse of it. Then Francis Chan gave testimony of his recent trip to Africa and showed a picture of him and a child that was naked and you could see every bone in his frail body. I have seen poverty, but not like that. It reminded me of all the children that have my heart in Ghana. I was beginning to be reminded of my purpose. It was becoming something I could no longer deny.

During worship, I spent some time praying. I asked Jesus to be enough for my heart. I asked Him to move. I admitted that I haven’t kept my eyes on the one who calls me to walk upon the water. I have been looking at the storm and I am sinking. I spoke the scripture into my prayer saying, “when Peter looked away and began to sink, he called out to you to save him, and You, without hesitation, grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the water. Do that for me now.” I am done with the fear. I will not let the enemy have that hold on me anymore and I will be obedient to whatever He calls me to because He is enough. He is better.

Throughout the conference missions weren’t really emphasized. The last session Louis Giglio preached a messaged about Isaiah. His main point was this: “We are stunned, seared, and sent.” Isaiah saw God on His heavenly throne. Isaiah was stunned. “Woe is me,” he cried. He fell to his face in the presence of the Almighty. When we see Jesus we are like Isaiah. When we meet Jesus in a supernatural way we can’t move; we are stunned. But then the seraphim takes a burning coal and touches it to Isaiah’s lips. Isaiah was a dead man. He knew that. When the seraphim approached him, he was probably thinking this heavenly creature was going to end him with this flaming coal that was heading straight for him, but it was actually God's grace. The seraphim touched his lips and cleansed him. He was seared. The coal that came from the alter of God made him clean, just as Jesus came from His throne to clean us. We are seared. And then God asks the question, “Who will go for us, who can I send?” Isaiah with no details, no idea what he was saying yes to said, “Send me. Here I am.” In that moment Louis gave invitation, and then said, “you know what, I haven’t even asked who is being called to go to the nations, but there will be people in every section of this stadium will stand up.”  Boom. Right then I felt the Holy Spirit. He was speaking directly to me. Louis finished by saying, “you are going to stand up without the details, and all you know is that you will spend majority of your life outside of American soil because you have been sent. You want the nations to know the Jesus that saved you, and you will spend your life sharing that.” He called us to stand and my heart was overflowing. The God of the universe was with me, speaking to me, calling me, showing me grace, leading me to His will. I could not deny it any longer. I am sent. And I am satisfied in that because Jesus Himself said, “Behold, I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

So friends, be encouraged. Know that our God is a jealous God who will work all things out until He alone is enough and until His will alone is accomplished. And when those things become the center of your heart, your cup will overflow. Don’t fight it, embrace it.

Please pray for me as God leads, and pray that the nations will be reached for the Glory of God through Christ Jesus, simply because He is worthy.

Mission Trip to Ghana, West-Africa 2013

July 29, 2013: the traveling begins. It was a long, exhausting flight. I never rested well. The flight from London to Accra was an interesting one though. I have never seen so many wealthy Ghanaians before. They were cluttered on our plane with many babies crying/sleeping in their laps. Their clothes were in one piece with not a stain in sight. Is that what life is like in the city? Only hours away from a village with no electricity and poverty in every home. They were still just as nice, it's just hard to swallow when you have experienced and loved the complete opposite. 

We finally got to Accra and that airport is as always chaotic. We waited in long lines and searched and searched for our luggage. We lost one tote. That's not bad at all compared to last year's three, but that one tote was pretty critical. I am leading the crafts again this year, and all of the supplies was locked away in that one tote. My heart aches. All of the supplies and ideas for the crafts were gone. 

When we left the airport I felt the humid cool air on my skin and it sinks in... I'm back. Vincent is there to greet us and we load all of our luggage onto the Landrover and Nissan and prepare to leave when the Nissan will not start. As the Ghanaians say: no problem. After 30 minutes we are on the road. The ride to Kotokata is a very long ride. We did not get home until 3:30 the next morning. As exhausted as I was, I could not sleep. I woke up early and watched out of the windows. The first person I recognized was Etche. He was walking around the Land Rover pointing at the different parts and talking to his self. Typical Etche. Oh how I have missed his sweet hugs and funky smell. After more of the village woke up I walked outside with Lacey and Katherine. The first one to approach us was sweet sweet Josephine. It was still hard to get her to smile, but her two front teeth had grown in!! I then greeted the others that I knew with hugs. I waited for Yaw and Kofi, but they never came. Until, at a distance, I spotted Yaw in a red shirt. I called out to him and as he approached me I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a kiss. He just looked at me. He knew who I was, but his eyes were full of hurt. I don't know why, but he was not the same Yaw. I noticed blood on the back of his leg and when I looked my heart hurt. He had a hole the size of a nickel on his calf. He would not answer me when I asked what happened. He walked away without saying a word. Something was different. And this something hurt me. Kofi, on the other hand, was just the same. Full of energy. He was climbing on poles and running around with his little white baby teeth shining. He looks like he had not grown an inch. The whole team slept in until 11 or so. When they finally woke up we just hung out with the kids. In the evening we traveled by foot to the nearest village that had electricity and a market. We went to buy frozen yogurt. It was also Fondrick’s birthday and we celebrated with the yogurt and a card. That night we went to sleep and at about 2:30 Katherine woke us up because she wasn't feeling well. In the process of getting back into the bed there was a huge tarantula on the wall closest mine and Lacey's bed. We of course freaked out and sent Katherine to get Joey. Joey was no help. He would not kill the spider. He harassed us instead. So I guess you could say we did not sleep well the rest of the night. But it was a good day. 

Morning came and so did the start of Vacation Bible School. Heart broken, I set up the crafts that were to take place that day. Bracelets with assorted beads because that is all we had in the storage from years before. It is out of my control though. The children had a great time at VBS and you should see them sing and dance to their Wild Wild West theme song. Lacey did a fun job choreographing and teaching them the song. After VBS was over I chased and tickled the kids and played hide and go seek. My heart overflows with joy when I see their sweet smiles and hear their laughter. Finally the kids are warmed up to us and back to their normal selves. Yaw has his moments where he is quiet, but today I saw him more happier. After resting from playing so hard I noticed Simon quiet and excluding himself (this is not normal). I went to him and asked him what was wrong and there was no answer (this is not normal either). I immediately knew that he was feeling bad.  This happened last year. I felt of his head and he was burning up. I brought him inside gave him some children ibuprofen and put him in my bed with a cold rag and fans blowing on him. As dinner took place I brought Yaw into the house and gave him and Simon the left over chicken bones. Yaw severely needs the nutrition. Simon was feeling better so he went home. I went outside to call Micah and then all the little children wanted to play. After I got off the phone, we went inside the church and they played with my hair and sang sweet songs to Jesus. It was beautiful. When I came in we made Tony check our room for spiders again. Our hairy friend was back. Our friend Christopher was sitting at the table and he killed it for us. Let me add that this killing was not easy or very pretty. We shared screams and laughter. It was a good day. 

The morning came and I was scrounging up things to do for crafts. As the day progressed, my eyes began to fill with more tears. All I had to offer were paper plates, map pencils, and water color paint. I want to give them the best. I wanted them to be filled with joy when they made something new. Why did that one tote get lost? I began to get angry with God. If He is in control, why couldn't a different tote get lost? The answer is because Brettnay had a lesson to learn. God was showing me that the "things" do not matter. He was showing me to be faithful and trust in Him. He was showing me that the one thing I could give them was love. That is what they need. God was faithful to provide a back up and even though they weren't the best in my standards, they were the best in their eyes. My day began to get better and I continued to love on the kids. We laughed and played. I brought Yaw and Kofi into the house so they could eat the bones and Tony made them a peanut butter, banana, and honey wrap to make them full. After that they went home. At least they were going home with a full stomach. At night we sat around the kitchen and talked and laughed with Sarah, Charles, and Eman. It was a good day. 

Today I watched Yaw. I watched his eyes, the way he moves, the way watches from a distance. When I look into his eyes I see emptiness. I see loneliness. I see pain. As he goes through the day hardly any of the other kids play with him or interact with him. Is he too poor? Is his head too big? Is he too dirty? He always watches from a distance, carefully observing everything. When I call his name he looks up with his brown eyes and slowly walks my way. He rarely talks except a "thank you" when I give him food. When he comes in the house, he cleans. He sweeps the floor and takes out the trash. He has a servant’s heart. He will stay around all day until he has to go home. His family is poor and his father is an alcoholic. The only time I see him smile is when I chase him until I catch him with my fingers around his rib cage. His laughter is contagious. I wish  it came more often. The thought of leaving him breaks my heart. 

This morning we went to church. It is always a joy to be able to worship in this foreign place. The hearts of the village people cry out to God in praise and worship. They dance and sing at the top of their lungs. The God of the universe is even in this small village in Ghana working and bringing people to Himself. During church they made us get up in front of everyone and sing a song. Me, Lacey, Kat, and Jacob were the only ones in that particular church. The others traveled to another. It was fun and they all laughed at us. There was no judgment in their eyes though. They loved every moment of it and were thankful that we would even get up and attempt to sing. After church I took a much needed nap because the others were still not back yet. The rest of the day was full of smiles and laughter. It was a good day. 

Today we walked through the jungle and visited madam Peace (the school principle) and she was very pregnant. Last year we visited her and she was also pregnant, but tragically lost the baby. So I am excited to see that she is expecting again and very happy. Even in tragedy, there is hope. God restores. Today is the last day we had in Kotokata. We are leaving early in the morning to head to Vume, the village we will be doing another VBS in. My heart is heavy. It will be hard to leave these children behind. They have so little. Their bellies are always empty and they hunger for something more than food. Love. I loved them until I could not love them anymore, but will they feel it months down the road when we are still gone, and they are wondering if we will ever come back?  The only hope they have is Christ and I am thankful these sweet children are learning about Him in their schools. I took a lot of last pictures and gave hugs and kisses. Tomorrow will be a hard day. 

This morning may have been harder than the last time. We got up early. Earlier than when the village people normally get moving. Many of the children were not there to say goodbye. As we packed our things and brought then outside Felix and Benjamin came around the corner. I held Felix for a while and loved him as much as I could before we had to leave. As we were putting the bags on top of the Land Rover, Yaw came walking up observing everything that was going on. I held him in my lap and the tears came rolling down my face. Yaw looked at me, looked at the team, looked at our actions, and he knew. We were leaving. He got up and just watched. As minutes went by it was finally time to go. I approached him and as I got on my knees he started crying and ran under the house. My heart will never be the same. After calling him to come out, he came with tears running down his face. I wiped away his tears and hugged and kissed him one last time. Last year Yaw was the one wiping tears from my face and this year I have wiped his. Yaw has had my heart from the beginning and I love him more and more every minute I am with him. I cannot imagine how he feels. I left him last year and now I am leaving him again. Could these short term mission trips do more damage than actually help? I can only pray that he will not feel abandoned or left behind. If I had a choice, he would be on the plane coming home with me. We traveled from 7am until dark to the next village for the coming week. It was an exhausting day. My heart has never been heavier. 

Yesterday I was angry. My thought process was, "Well if I had to leave Kotokata then there is no point for me to be here anymore. I just want to go home." The drive until dark did me in. I had too much time to think and too much time for the enemy to attack. My thought process was absolutely wrong. When I woke up the next morning I realized that. We drove to the village that our next VBS would be taking place in and as we pulled in hundreds of children were running around screaming and waving in excitement. There were people to be loved. Jesus was to be proclaimed. My purpose has not faded. I am here on a mission and my mission is to share the love of Christ. What a joy it was to be able to get out of the car and children grab my hands and love me without even knowing me. I wanted to do the same. After VBS we grabbed lunch and went to the village of Havenu and visited there for a few minutes. We then traveled to the parliamentarians of Ghana's home to visit with him about some issues Joey has had. This man is a pretty big deal. He is a Christian man as well and he cares for the people of his district. As we were talking he turned to me and asked about my experiences and what I love about Ghana. My nerves took over and my Southeast Texas twang came out with every word. There is no telling what that man is thinking now. Everyone got a kick out of that afterwards. We then traveled back to the inn and we ate some "beef" from town... It didn't taste like beef. Don't ask, just eat it. That has been my motto since I've traveled to Ghana. It was a good day. 

Today was a laid back day. We did VBS in the morning and then built a swing set in the afternoon. This trip has been much different for me this year. Last year God rocked my world. He spoke to me in many ways, taught me, and opened my eyes. My heart was completely changed last year. So going into this trip my expectations were even higher. I thought that God would speak to me even louder. He has been quiet. I then began to question why I am even here. I then realized that God has opened my eyes so that i can now react. To love with no limits. To see the brokenness, poverty, and hopelessness and to love without holding back. To see it and look past it. To not dwell on those things. I know that Christ's love is being shared because I couldn't possibly love these children as much as I do if it wasn't for Him loving me first and giving me a new heart. A heart that is His. A heart that wants others to know and be change by His love. His beautiful and endless love. 

Today was the last day doing VBS in Vume. One little girl by the name of Gloria took a liking to me the very first day. She is quiet and sweet. Her mother is a teacher at the school so she was there also helping us translate. Her mom noticed the way I loved Gloria and she said something to me that broke my heart. She told me to take her child. She told me to take her with me to America. But America does not want her. I wish I could take them all back with me. I recently found out that you can no longer adopt in the country of Ghana due to new laws. Sweet Gloria will always remain in Ghana with her biological mother that loves her enough to put her in the hands of a stranger that knows would give her a better life in America. 

Today we did many things. We visited the village of Havenu. This village recently had water provided to it through the young people at Hot Hearts in January. The money was raised and the water came. Well, for a few weeks the water had stopped and they never reported it. Village people are never seen or heard so their thought process tells them to not even try. We found out about the water and got some of the problems fixed so we went today to see the water and explain the problems that were happening. This experience is one I will always remember. A few days ago we visited and we were able to see the water hole they used to get water from before the clean water was provided. It broke my heart to see it. To even imagine it. When we arrived today they already had chairs set up for us to sit in. We sat down and talked to the chief of the village for a while. Children came and watched around the corners of the huts. Their clothes were tattered an some were not even wearing any. The village people watched as we discussed issues. Then the water was turned on and Vincent prayed in Ewe. My heart was overwhelmed. Crystal clear clean water flowed from the water spout. God was being glorified in a language that I cannot comprehend, but He knows and hears ever word. The people that surrounded us were now going to be able to drink clean water again. God provided for His people. We then traveled more and then had lunch with the teachers from the Vume school. They shared their story and we shared ours. We then returned to the school and worked on the swing sets. The children were there to greet us with big smiles and excitement. They, by themselves, dug the holes that needed to be dug, moved dirt, and brought about 20 gallons of water before we got there. We never asked them to do that. They watched the day before and had everything ready for us. I don't even know what to say to this. I can't comprehend it. They eagerly wait for us to arrive each day and they help anyway they can just because they want to. If a Ghanaian came to America would America welcome him with that same embrace?

Today was our last full day in Ghana. I went to church in a village called Kadeve. The "church" was a tin roof held up by concrete posts. No walls. No sound system. No pews. No decorations. No information desk. No bathrooms. No Sunday school rooms. The building wasn't the church, the church gathered underneath it. Surrounding the building was the savanna. For miles it surrounded this small building. The wind rushed through the open walls and through the open land. Then the voices came. The voices of a foreign language singing and worshiping the one true living God. The voices that filled the throne room. The voices that simply thanked Him in every verse. There is something beautiful about simplicity. I witnessed that today. If we stop making our church services so complex we will be able to see. We will see past the clutter. We will see that God is more worried about our hearts than how the PowerPoint looks or if the lighting is just right. Bring the truth. Bring worship. Bring praise. Bring thanks. Bring fellowship. The other stuff only complicates. It only makes it harder for us to see. Open your eyes. Live simple.  

Today is the last day of the trip. We traveled to Agnes' sister's "house" to drop of some gifts that Aggie sent from the states. (Aggie is Joey's adopted daughter from Ghana) They lived in a place that was considered the slums. As we were getting close a horrible stench filled my nose. I rolled the window up and looked outside. There was piles upon piles of trash scattered across the area. The buildings were close together and the streets were crowded. I have never seen such a terrible place. Flies were everywhere and the smell never faded.  I just wanted to leave. I never wanted to see that place again. How sad does that make me? I can get in a car and leave in the snap of a finger, but the people of the crowded streets will remain. The filth will remain. The hurt will remain. My heart is torn. As we left I held my breath because of the smell and quietly cried to myself. We then traveled to the market and made our way to the airport. I told my friends goodbye and hugged my brother’s neck (Eric). He is staying behind to be with Joey for a month. Continue to pray for him.

Being home was harder than last year. The enemy has attacked and attacked and is still attacking. Please pray for me as I go through these trials. Pray that I will have grace with those who do not understand. Pray that I will find my strength and refuge in the blood of Jesus. Pray that the enemy will no longer have his way. Pray that my faith will be strengthened. Pray that I will continue the mission wherever I am. To God be the glory.

A heavy heart full of joy.

I haven't blogged in such a long time, but I think this deserves to be shared.

As some of you know, I am returning back to Ghana on my second trip in less than 2 weeks. My heart cannot contain the excitement and joy. Although, this still feels so surreal at the same time. Has a year really come and gone? Not a day goes by that I do not miss the little ones I loved, the beauty of the jungle, and God's presence that was so thick you could feel it. It has become easier over time. Easier to function in a place where the people look only inward; storing up food in their bellies, money in their banks, clothes in their closet, and toys for their enjoyment. Only living for selfish desires and the empty lies of the enemy. I, over time, realized that I was once that same person. I could not blame them because these people have not experienced the things I came face to face with. The extent of their knowledge is the tv commercial of starved children on the side of a road as depressing music played in the background. Their choice was to endure the commercial until their tv show came back on or simply change the channel. There was no action to be taken, no response. You will never understand until you see it with your own eyes, feel it with your hands, hold it in your arms, and smell the stench of poverty, brokenness, hopelessness, and abandonment. So my response when times are hard to bare: grace. I was once just as foolish, but God graciously allowed me to see the world through His eyes. For that, I am grateful.

This month has been a challenging one. I have been staying in Port Arthur, Texas with ten others as we learn to make disciples and prepare our hearts for Ghana.

God has been speaking to me and teaching me in many ways. The past few months before DM have been a struggle in my relationship with Christ. I had become complacent. Idols, sin, and laziness took over my life. Then the enemy began to lie to me by saying I'm not good enough to go to Ghana, and that I'm not worthy enough for God to use me anymore. I believed him, and my anxiety progressively got worse. So going into DM my heart was heavy and breaking. Jesus healed me though. As we began our bible studies, I realized that I had to repent and run back to Jesus. I picked myself up and just began to let God transform me again.

He has placed Luke:26-27 on my heart throughout my time at DM.

It reads: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple."

If I want to follow Jesus, I have to love Jesus so much that everything in comparison looks like hate. I have to lay my life at the foot of the cross and abandon everything I am. He has to become Lord over my life. Some many think this is crazy, but I can assure you, there is no greater joy or fulfillment than living for a risen and living King wholeheartedly. This world has nothing to offer me. I was created for the Creator. I am chosen for a purpose.

He has also been really been igniting the fire in heart again for the nations. I am overwhelmed with the thought of this. There are people in the world that have no hope. They go day by day not even knowing the name of Jesus. This verse hit me in the chest:

"How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” Romans 10:14-15. 

"How are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard?" rings in my ears. I feel so inadequate though. I can think of a thousand reasons why I'm not "fit" for this task, but all God is asking from me is obedience. All I am is a vessel for the Holy Spirit to do only what He can: save. He will empower me to do whatever is ahead. The fear of persecution creeps around in my mind as I think about this. The fear of dying as a result of sharing the Gospel tightens my chest. This could very much happen to me someday. Will I be bold enough to endure it? As I dwell on the promises of His word, His goodness, His faithfulness, the fears slip away. I am reminded of the verse in Philippians 1 that says "for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." I think the persecution that is temporal cannot compare with what awaits for all eternity. I believe this is a risk worth taking. We have a responsibility, Christians. 

Matthew 24 says: "And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come."

We are to set a platform for Christ to come back and take us home. We are to go to those unreached places and to proclaim boldly the Gospel as we make disciples so the Good News will be spread even further until every tribe, tongue, and nation is reached. What a glorious day it will be when that trumpet sounds.

As you can tell, I have a heavy heart. God is transforming me into a obedient follower, teaching me His ways, convicting my heart, using me, and giving me a burden for the nations. This heavy heart excites me though. It excites me because God is alive and working in my life. All the glory belongs to Him. At the end of my life the only thing I hope to accomplish is hearing the words, "well done my good and faithful servant."

His plan is unfolding.

I just started college and I have the first week down and it feels like a thousand more to go. I wish I could say that I am loving every minute of it, but sadly that is not the case. Don't get me wrong, I am getting use to it and things could change, but the atmosphere SUCKS. I feel like I am only one of very few Christians that walk the campus. But God is good and He has blessed me with some pretty awesome new friends that love and strive to live for the Lord. I moved out and I am now living in Beaumont. It was hard to leave the town I always knew, but it was time. I had been praying for God to lead me to a new church, send me friends that love Him and also for Him to just help me as I am moving into a new part of my life. He answered.

So here I am in a really dark place, but I feel God's hand guiding me through and lighting my path. It's like He is unfolding His plan for my life right in front of me. Literally. I cannot help but trust in Him because He has proven Himself faithful time and time again. As I put my trust in Him, He has answered every one of my prayers.

 He has led me to a Bible believing church that is growing and has given me opportunities to minister there. I had been praying for this even during the summer and God just started pulling me toward this church. Before I even left Central Baptist I knew that was where I was suppose to go then God just kept confirming that to me so I could not doubt. He sometimes goes beyond what we ask for. So when I walked into that church I just knew. I actually knew the Pastor, Casey, from camp over the summer. But had no idea he was a pastor or that I would be going to his church. I had lunch with him and his wife today and it was such a blessing. I got to share my heart about Ghana and they got to share theirs. Prayers were answered. I know that I am suppose to be there. His ministry is to reach. He wants to go beyond the church walls. There are mission opportunities and that is so exciting because that is what I'm called to do. We all are called to go, but I'm just super passionate about it and I wish more Christians would be too.

He has also sent me those friends that I asked for. They really love the Lord and it shows in everything they do. Not only are they my friends, but they also have a Wednesday night Bible study that I attend and Joey's son, Tony, leads it. I am learning so much and I am so blessed to be apart of it. He also sent me a really awesome girl friend. I have specifically been praying for that and she shares the same heart about missions. She is passionate about Vietnam and God is doing amazing things in and through her. That is so encouraging.

Here lately I have been just broken because I miss Ghana so much. I miss their cute little dirty faces, funky smells, holey clothes, bright white smiles, and big brown eyes. It was almost unbearable the other night. I got on my knees and prayed. I poured out my broken heart, I prayed for them, and for my return. I opened up my Bible and read John 15. In this passage God reassured me. He spoke so much hope in to my heart. It was just one of those moments where you can't do anything or say anything because you are so mesmerized by who God is. Like who am I for You to even know my name? I am so unworthy of everything God has given me, but He calls me friend. It is only by grace alone. And then to top it off, I got a call this morning from those kids that stole my heart. I was blessed in that moment.

I am also praying for a job. So please be praying also for a job that will work with my schedule and not consume me or interfere with my main priorities. I recently submitted my application to Harbor Hospice and I am really hoping to hear from them soon. Thank you thank you thank you. :)

So overall God has been doing major work in my life. He is so faithful and I give all the glory to Him. This is by His hand alone. I had no part. He is growing me up in my faith and I have never felt so close to Him. If you do not know Christ as your Saviour please begin to seek Him. When you do He will pull you in and you will realize just how much better God is than this world that will never satisfy you like He will.

"Jesus replied, "Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never thirst again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life."" -John 4:13-14

My Journey to Ghana, West-Africa.

 



   I recently just got back from a 10 day mission trip to Ghana, West-Africa in a small village called Kotokata along with a team of 20 that I spent the summer with serving at a Baptist encampment. These are my writings from beginning to end. I hope through these recordings God will open your eyes to what a magnificent and HUGE God He is and how much He loves you and the rest of the world. I am merely just a human. Just because I traveled all the way to Africa and gave up my summer to serve makes me no better than you. I am only doing what Jesus commanded us all to do.. Follow Him. If you are a Christian that doesn't mean you have to go to a third world country to do this. I was simply given an opportunity and said yes. If you are not a Christian, I hope that you are drawn closer to Him through my encounters.

   As soon as we arrived to the Houston airport a black lady pulled up next to us and asked about our tye-dye Pray for Ghana t-shirts. We replied that we are going on a mission trip to Ghana, West-Africa. She was excited as she told us that she is from Ghana and that she will be praying for us. Before she left I took a glimpse at what was on her rear view mirror.. It had 23rd Psalm written on it. I don't believe that was coincidence. God was just reassuring us.

Witnessing to the English boy at the airport in Spain.

   We were waiting to board our flight in Madrid to Africa and a random boy from England sat next to us. We began to carry on conversations with him and he was a really cool guy. Funny, cute accent, outgoing, adventurous, but undecided in his beliefs. Andy spoke to him some about Jesus and later I came up and asked him about his faith as well. He was very open. He told me that there are so many beliefs out there and he doesn't want to just pick one without knowing more about it. He wants to gather information and experience. So I asked him if he was seeking that. He hesitated when he replied no, not really. So I told him that there is one true God. One. And that He will change his life. I also added that this moment was not a coincidence. The subject changed and God laid on my heart to give him a Bible that I asked for at Sunday school last Sunday. I wanted the little pocket Bible to put in my satchel for Ghana so I will always have a Bible with me. Little did I know that God was up to something and that the Bible was for this boy. He was getting up to leave and I gave him the little New Testament Bible and told him to read the book of John. I told him that this is my God and he will find his answers. After everything was said and done Andy began to explain to us that God sets up divine appointments and that we can't let that slip away by not opening our mouths. God is already working before we even set foot in Africa. But in order for anything to happen I have to be obedient in what He tells me to do. There has been many times when people have asked about our shirts and every time I let an opportunity to witness to someone slip away. Except for this moment and God moved. I am grateful God opened my eyes and showed me that the mission is not just in Ghana, it is everywhere I go.

Spotted this outside of the plane window in Madrid.
He is everywhere.

 
While we were in Madrid airport shopping a lady that worked in the store came up to me and Kayla and told us to please pray for Nigeria as well as for Ghana. She said that her country is trying to be taken over by Muslims. She said that there are more Christians than Muslims and that this cannot happen. She said that God is going to protect them and she trusts in Him, but to pray because that is God's land. It was such a sweet moment. I seen the hurt in her eyes for her country. God is working all over the world.



In the Tra-Tra. About to head to the village!

   When we got out of the airport in Africa Patti (Jojo's wife), Agnes (Jojo's adopted daughter), and Sara (Anges's bestfriend) were waiting for us out side. Without ever seeing them in person I knew exactly who they were. I hugged them and they were so excited that we were finally there. Some friends of Joey helped us get our luggage to the Tra-Tra (very slow bus). The Tra-Tra was fairly small, but managed to fit 33 people. We were packed in pretty tight. As I watched all of the people work together as they put our stuff on top of the bus and seeing all the happy faces.. It hit me and the tears came. I am finally in the long awaited Africa and I am surrounded by the most friendliest people I have ever met in my life. I sat between two precious children. The girl, Mavis, was very shy but such a sweetheart. And the little boy, Manesseh, never said a word. But about two hours into the drive they were both asleep in my lap. The entire trip from the airport was about 5 hours. I didn't get to see much because it was so dark. The weather in Ghana was cool, it's not at all what I expected Africa to feel like. The mosquitoes were not bad and I haven't seen any animals except for goats and chickens. The village has no electricity so when we got here we had to function with no lights. I also got to take a super cold rainwater shower and use a toilet where you scoop saw dust mush into the bottom when you get done with your business. It's not that bad actually. When you are where God wants you those things become so small. I know God's hand is going to move in a mighty way this week.. I cannot wait to see what He is going to do.

Canoeing on the river, basking in God's beauty.

   I was one of the first to wake up this morning. I got up and went outside and there were cute little African faces everywhere. Yaw took a liking to me and crawled up in my lap and he has been right by my side ever since. He likes to hold my hands and play with my hair. He's not very talkative yet and knows some English. His little brother Kofi is the complete opposite. He runs around and is always making weird noises and being silly. They are both adorable and both stole my heart. Yaw, when sitting in my lap, started pulling my arm hair and rubbing my skin. I also noticed that Yaw is very caring and pays attention to the details. I had hair in my mouth and he pulled me down to his level and got it out for me. He also cares for his little sister, who is just a baby, by giving her water and fixing her shirt when it is falling off of her. Nick was really dirty and Yaw started wiping him off. He has such a sweet heart. As I met a lot of the kids I learned their names quickly and by the end of the day they warmed up to me. Simon and Josephine were others that stole my heart too. I got to know the teenagers as well and formed close friendships with them. After breakfast we played with them and then we set off to different villages greeting different people. They were very very welcoming and as soon as they seen us they immediately started smiling and waving at us. I was surprised that there is actually quite a few people that know some English as we walked through the villages. One connection that I was able to make with them was by taking their picture and showing them. They simply laugh at their selfs. The kids really love it and act so silly in front of the camera. I love to see their happiness. It's always overflowing. We were able to go canoeing on the river and the scenery was breathtaking. What a magnificent God we have. I could not help but praise Him. We were offered coconut in one village. They had a boy climb up to the top of a tree to get it down and they prepared it for us as we visited them. They offered us so much that I was so full of coconut I could puke, and they continued offering it and we finally had to tell them no more. When we came back at around 4, the number of children multiplied. There were people EVERYWHERE! We had a really good dinner, but I broke into tears as I was eating because there were so many children sitting on the ground watching. After dinner we played some more and taught some of them Ninja tag. That was too funny!! I wish I would have got a clip of Yaw on my camera playing. He was so sneaky. Our boys also taught the boys in the village how to play American football. They finally got the hang of it and were actually pretty good. They had so much fun. At the end of the night they watched Chronicles of Narnia on a projector running off the generator. It was a good day and tomorrow is the start of VBS! The kids are so excited! Steven played a song for them as he was setting up. Claysey jumped in and started showing some of the kids the dance and they started dancing along. It was the sweetest thing ever! It is going to be a great week. Yes, they are going to have a blast, but most importantly they are going to learn about Jesus.

VBS! They were singing and dancing to their theme song.

   I woke up this morning and Kofi and Yaw were there to greet me. As we were talking at breakfast about our first day it started to sink in. At first I was overwhelmed when I came here, now it is all starting to hit me, the reality of it. I am now grieved by the smiling faces that rarely smile except when we play with them and the skinny bodies and the little scrapes that go unfixed, their internal emptiness that shows through their big beautiful brown eyes. I cherish every moment I get to spend with them and hear their laughter. I seen a lot of smiles today. It was the start of Vacation Bible School! They all looked very skeptical about the program at first, but they picked up very quickly. The crafts, which is what I taught, was hectic at first with the little ones, but as the ages grew it became easier. They made coffee filter butterflies. Some are very artistic. We did not have lunch today so I grabbed some snacks and fed the children around me as we watched the teenagers play some intense soccer. They loved my applesauce to-go and slim jims. At dinner we had a lot of food. I gave most of my food to Kofi and Yaw. Every time I would place food in their hand they replied with thank you. I talked to Claysey afterwards about them and she said their family cannot really provide for them and their dad is an alcoholic. I try to love on them as much as I can. After dinner, we went to town and got some yogurt. There were so many hills on the way so I am pretty warn out right now. I do not see how the people do it. Always on foot and always carrying something on their head and sometimes a baby on their back at the same time. Tomorrow is another day of VBS. It was a good day.

Crafts! This is Kofi, being Kofi. :)

   Today has been the best day so far. Joey presented the Gospel to us at breakfast and gave us some information about their culture so we will know what to expect if we get to share the Gospel with anyone. Crafts today was AWESOME! They colored plates and we put paint on their hands and they did their hand prints. They LOVED it. They also loved the stickers we gave them. They put them on their faces and it seemed like their laugher was unending.  When it was time for the older kids to do their VBS in the evening they loved it just as much as the little kids did. The teenagers get so into what they are doing. If we gave plates, crayons, and stickers to teenagers in America they would look at us like we are stupid. After VBS I played with the kids. They chased me, tickled me, we danced, and the little boys pinched my arms. Their smiles will not leave my mind. We also played Gaga! They absolutely loved it, and caught on very quickly. At dinner we had more good food. Yaw and Kofi sat right next to me and I fed them most of my plate. When we were done they got half finished plates that people we were done with and ate it also. They even ate food off the ground. It broke my heart to watch that. After supper God moved. Steven sang and played the guitar as we worshipped. Yaw was sitting in my lap and tears filled my eyes. I never want to let him go. He fell asleep in my arms and woke up coughing and then went home in the dark. We continued to sing and my heart was full of hurt. Hurt for the children, hurt for the lost. Something that has been heavy on my heart even in the states is how can I reach all of these people. The people driving past me in their cars, the people in the mall, the people in all the houses I flew over coming to Africa, and the people in the village that have worshipped juju gods and have a misconception of Jesus and the Gospel. It hurts me. I want them all to know about this God I serve. This God that loves them so much. This God, Jesus, that is alive! They may never understand. At the end we sang a song that went like this.. We went through every person gathered around and replaced their name. ____ God loves you. ____ God cares. ____ God has a plan for you. Hearing those words were so sweet. And in that moment when my name was being sang someone I have been praying for all summer that does not have a strong relationship with Christ came to me and kneeled beside me. I looked up and it was Trent. We have had many ins and outs this summer so when he came to me it was an answered prayer. He was crying as much as I was and I hugged his neck and reminded him how much God loves him and that this moment is the reason he is here. I told him to give everything to God. Everyone sang around us. It was such a God-filled moment. I am expecting another great day.

Their sweet smiles.

   Church this morning filled me with awe. It is nothing like America. Today reminded me that Jesus is alive and He is working all around the world. Every seat on the benches were full. They danced and sang to God without holding anything back. The joy was overflowing and so were my tears. Their faith is so genuine. As I sat in the church and watched these people worship our creator I realized that this is real. They are worshipping the one true God. They get it. They have hope and direction and I understand why they cannot help but dance and sing praises. And what is even more awesome is that God is sitting on His throne receiving all the Glory. The message was brought by Jordan Swearingen about the great commission and I was able to share my testimony. God is so good. My fear of speaking in front of others did not phase me. The nerves left. I can only hope that my testimony touched at least one heart in the building. After church I played with the kids. We took a lot of pictures because they absolutely love it. At dinner all of the children where gathered around us and I could not get myself out of the chair to get food. I looked around and I hurt. How could I eat and not give every single one of these children that were looking at the food something to fill their stomachs? I noticed a man with two small children sitting there watching us. The tears came pouring and Jojo took my hand and told me it was okay to hurt. He said that even though there is hurt, there is joy. He told me to find that joy because it is there. I got up and made that man some food. He didn't say a word but I did not care. I watched him eat and feed his children and I knew that is what God wanted me to do. I hope that he seen Christ. I sat looking at everything around me while Mikeal was playing the guitar. Everyone was eating and I just basked in that moment. I never wanted to leave it. The kids were either eating our unfinished plates or smiling. The team was fellowshipping with each other and loving on the kids. God was there. After supper we went to take a walk through the jungle to see one of Jojo's friends. It was a long walk but gosh it was beautiful. When I got back from visiting I got the news that when I was gone Yaw's mom came and beat him and Sarah had to run her off. From what I heard it was pretty bad. I thank God that I was not there to witness that. It would have probably hurt me more than it hurt him. I am left broken because sweet little Yaw is back home and I cannot be there to console him. I just want to hold him.

Simon.

   Today was our last full day in the village. I spent most of it loving on the kids. I don't know how tomorrow is going to go. This is all so hard for me. I tried to block the vision of getting on a plane and going back to the states out of my head because I know that if I don't, I would spend the entire day crying. At the end of the day we sat together and shared what God has showed us and what he is saying to us. I could not get through my testimony without tears. My heart has just been so heavy. I held Simon in my lap and kissed his cheeks every second I could because I knew this was going to be the last time I would hold him. He was constantly moving from scratching. Little bumps covered his body and I just wanted to take them away. God has put small things right in my face to confirm my calling to be a nurse. I have been praying that he would show me what he wants me to do with my life and how He wants me to serve Him. And He has done just that. I wasn't sure if nursing was His plan, but now I am. He has spoken to me through other people without them even knowing and made sores, coughs, and high fevers stand out to me and allowed me to be there for the one's hurting. To show them compassion and console them in their pain. As soon as I get my school paid for I will be on the mission field serving God and loving those who are at their weakest. Where He wants me.. I don't know, but I will be back to this small village again. My heart is there. Even though I was only there ten short days.. I see things differently. This almost unimaginable world I have stepped off in became real so fast. Nothing will ever be the same.

God's Glory displayed through His creation.

   Leaving this morning was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I woke up and got my stuff together and sat outside. Simon was there and I held him in my lap. I told Yaw and Kofi yesterday to be here early in the morning.. But the time was getting closer to leave and there was no sign of them. Finally, they came around the corner. The staff was giving them hugs and I sat in my chair holding Simon in tears waiting for my turn to say goodbye. I put them all in my lap and held onto them for as long as I could and while I did I watched the water well looking for beautiful Josephine. Then Clasey came walking up holding Josephine's hand. She was dressed in her wrap and she looked as pretty as she could be. My heart broke because I knew that this was going to be the last time for a while that I would see them. It was finally time to go and I told them bye and hugged them as tight as I could. Yaw looked at me and wiped away my tears with his rough little hands. I got on the bus and just wept. As I looked out the window I seen Josephine waving at me with a big smile. It was so hard to get her to smile sometimes because the other kids made fun of her because she just lost her two front teeth so she was embarrassed and tried to always hide it. And then as we turned around I seen Yaw sitting by a post next to the church waving at me and Kofi was jumping around like usual. We pulled out and Simon was swinging on the swing set that we built by the school. My heart was hurting. I never felt so much pain before. But like Joey said.. Where there is hurt there is also joy. I found that joy. I found it in their laughter and smiles. I found it in God's greater plan. I found it in the memories that will never fade. I found it in the hope of my return to this off the map village to love them again. The rest of the day we spent most of our time on the Tra-Tra. We went to a canopy walk and some of the older teenagers that I grew close to over the eight days went with us. We walked through the jungle at the top of the trees on a rope bridge. I was pretty freaked out but it was absolutely beautiful. I was able to see God's beauty through His creation. Then we went shopping after getting lost and having to walk to the market place. Next stop was the airport. Saying goodbye to my good friends and getting on the plane was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

I hope they all felt the love of Christ.
This is Yaw, Kofi, and myself.

   Overall, this journey has been an eye opener for me. Sometimes God puts you places just so He can remove the scales off your eyes that have blinded you for so long. So he can really show you what the world is like outside of your bubble. He allowed me to see others through His eyes, and showed me how to minister to them by loving them unconditionally like He has loved us. He showed me that the harvest is plentiful and that I am called to GO. He showed me that He is bigger than I have made Him out to be and that His presence is everywhere. He showed me what it really means to be selfless. He showed me that I have a lot of unnecessary junk in my life that hinders me from being who He yearns for me to be. He has changed my life through this trip and I will never be the same. Even though I did not see thousands of salvations or witness the blind being healed, He had a plan. He let me see these things so I would be prepared when He sends me out again. I do not want to waste my life. In a blink of an eye it will be over. So I want to love. I want to love every person I come across so they know that there is a God that loves them even more. I want to build relationships and lift others above myself so they can see the love and grace of the God I serve. It is not about me, it is all for the Glory of God. Let this be a testimony of His unconditional love and His unfinished work that He promises to complete: "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Philippians 1:6.

Eating.

   When we arrived back to the states I called my mom immediately. I had not talked to her the entire time I was away so it was really good being able to hear her voice. When we left the airport the team went out to eat at Chili's. The hurt came back. The waiter came up to our table greeting us with "It's time for some good ole American food.. I know ya'll are hungry so we will get those appetizer orders first." And the people that just seen the same things I have seen and experienced the same situations I experienced were more worried about their cheese burgers than the reality of what we just came from. Was I the only one that felt this way? I played back pictures in my head of feeding the children my plate and putting food in their hands. I sat quietly in my chair at the table and felt so distanced from everyone else. I just didn't understand. When arrived back at the camp and my family was there to greet me. As I got out of the van and hugged my mom I looked down on the ground and spotted a piece of tree bark that was shaped like Africa. It might seem crazy to you, but I don't think that was coincidence.

Me and beautiful Josephine.

   When I woke up the next morning I felt a bit lost. I sat in the comfort of my home missing the kids and replaying memories in my head. I spent a lot of my time crying and trying to think of what they were doing at the same moment I was. I went to sleep fairly early and the next day was no easier. I woke up and got ready to have lunch with my youth minister and his wife. This was the first time I was able to share about my experiences in Ghana. They understood because they have been on missions their selves and experienced some of the same things. They comforted me as I was telling them about my trip and the struggles I am having now. They never fail to encourage me and lift me up. I love you guys.

The older kids at VBS.

   So that is the story. Please pray for me as I hurt and also pray for this village that God is moving in. The total of children at Vacation Bible School was about 300 give or take. That means 300 children heard about the true Jesus. Praise God.

The younger kids at VBS.